It’s hard to watch your child face a bully, but what would you do if the mean kid showed up unannounced to your child's birthday party? One parent decided to stand firm with her son and booted the boy from the party — but his aunt is calling her a jerk for not letting the child in.
The Original Poster’s son just turned 8 — but little did she know that there’d be some serious drama at his birthday party.
As the OP explained in a since-deleted post on the Am I the A–hole forum on Reddit, a few kids were invited from her son’s class — including one boy named K—.
“I did not know K— was cousins with this other boy in their class J—,” the OP wrote. “J— has been s—-y to my son for a while now.”
She admits that the mean boy has been through a lot this year.
His baby sister died, and his father left him and his mom.
“My son has a baby brother and he has both me and my husband (his dad) still in the one home,” the OP wrote. “So he has become a target for J—'s hurt and anger.”
The bullying started last year when the kids were doing virtual learning instead of in-person school.
J— would say things about the OP’s son, and even though she spoke to the teacher about it, things got worse when the boys returned to in-person school in May.
“While there, J— was nasty to my son,” the OP wrote. “Made the entire month a living hell for my son and I was on the school's a– about it.”
The OP even asked for a class transfer but was “denied because they were ‘dealing with it.’”
“When they returned to school a few weeks ago J— was still targeting my son,” she said.
So imagine her surprise when K—’s mom shows up to her child's party with the bully in tow.
“I was confused,” the OP recalled. “Asked what was going on. She explained he was her nephew, etc, etc, and she was hoping it would help everyone if he was included since everything going on.”
The OP immediately refused.
The OP told the other mom that J— wasn’t invited and shouldn’t be there given how he treats her son.
“She argued with me but I stood firm,” the OP wrote.
The two adults had always gotten along in the past, but now the other mother was “saying I was an a–hole to a little boy and should have shown kindness and understanding.”
The OP felt bad for the boy, but in truth she felt more loyalty to her son.
“My son freaked out when he saw J— at our house and asked if he was staying. He was so relieved he wasn't,” she wrote. “Am I the A–hole here?”
Many people in the comment section applauded the OP for standing up for the son.
"For starters, it was very presumptuous of her to show up with a +1 when she was not given a +1," one commenter explained. "She also put you in a position where you needed to choose to turn away a kid who is having a hard time, or force your son to put up with his bully in his own home. Neither choice is going to be the right one and the onus is on her for forcing that on you."
"OP, [Not the A–hole]. I’m sorry everyone was even put in this position to begin with. It wasn’t helping anything. Accepting the bully into the party would teach him that actions don’t have consequences and refusing him just adds fuel to the fire. This was a no win situation that you were forced into."
A third commenter put it this way:
"She knew about the bullying and brought him without asking you first knowing you would have said no. She wanted to ambush you and expected you to cave and not make a scene. You stood your ground and made sure your son was safe and enjoyed his birthday party. I'm sad for J— and his situation but it's not on you or your son to be his punching bag."
Other people thought the OP was too hasty.
One person very much thought that the OP was being a jerk "for being petty, immature and shaming an 8 y/o boy from a shaky family situation in a very public way. Do you think that is gonna help your son if he does, in fact, have a bullying problem? Maybe you should have tried disarming him with kindness instead. By the way, as a former teacher I despise nothing more than vindictive, over-nurturing helicopter parents. Don't be surprised if your kid's 89 does not get rounded up to a 90. That is the b—-y parent penalty."
Another commenter thought everyone sucked in this situation, writing this:
"I completely understand your desire to protect your child, believe me. I was bullied in school from k to 12 so I get it. But sounds like this boy needs some help and someone who is as nurturing as you are could do a world of good. For a child to lose so much at a tender age and to see a classmate with everything he should have, it has to screw him up. Just my opinion."
One commenter pointed out that the OP was both in the wrong and yet not. "You have to protect your son, that's a fact, but you also know what's going on in this kids life. You had an opportunity to control the situation because he's at your house/party, and show some kindness and compassion to him. Now you've potentially created more problems for you[r] son by turning him away. The other woman (J—'s aunt) [is] totally the a–hole for just showing up with him and not checking with you first."
There's much to be said about both sides of the argument. But as much as it's important to have empathy for a kid going through a tough time, imagine how important it was to the OP's son to know that his parent had his back.
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