Dear Husband: This Is What I Need When I Complain About Motherhood

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Dear darling husband,

I have something to say, and before you say anything, just let me get this out please.

I need you to let me complain. I need you to let me complain about our perfect, beautiful child. I need you to let me complain about seemingly mundane things. I need you to let me vent about how naughty our daughter was and how I never got to do the dishes. Point blank, I need you to let me complain about being a mom.

More importantly, I need you to let me complain without any judgment.

And I need you to let me complain without saying anything.

I don’t need you to tell me that this is what being a mother is. I don’t need you to tell me that our daughter is well-behaved. I don’t need you to tell me how lucky we are.

What I need is for you to listen … and just that.

I need you to listen to the words I am saying without interrupting me and without judging me and without your comments that then make me feel guilty about the words I am saying.

I need to have a safe place to rant, vent, complain — whatever word you want to call it. I need to talk to someone, and I would like that person to be you.

Yes, being a mother is the most wonderful job in the world, but it is also the most difficult, with no time off. Just like some days at work you have off days, so do moms.

I need to be able to tell you how I feel. Some days are just tougher, especially now. I need you to know that it’s not always easy. It’s not always sunshine and roses. It’s real life. And sometimes that real life is incredibly hard.

What I don’t need from you is obvious statements about how I feel, how I SHOULD be feeling, what I could be doing, or how you feel in response. But mostly, I just need you to listen — that’s all.

Venting is beneficial.

It’s good for our minds and our bodies. Speaking about something that is troubling us gets the weight off of our chest. It’s actually good. According to University of Miami Health System, venting can reduce anger, stress, confusion, and frustration. So, let us vent … in moderation, of course.

As our husbands, you helped us create these beautiful creatures that we have brought into the world. And sometimes, I don’t think you’re aware of how truly tough being a mom can be, especially if we’re the one who is the primary caregiver.

That’s why when I tell you how bad a particular day was it brings you into reality.

I know I am so lucky to be a mom. I know our daughter is well-behaved. I know all of that.

I guess what I’m trying to say is pretty clear: When I need to complain, yes, about being a mom, even just for 20 minutes, considering that it is a full-time forever job, in hindsight 20 minutes isn’t that much to ask. I just need you to listen and give me a hug and a kiss.

Love,

Your Wife