My grandma Nettie was a single mom. She raised my mom, Elvira, without a husband or a partner. She raised her while she continued to work a full-time job and eventually saved enough money to help buy a house and send my mom to private Catholic school. Luckily my grandma had the help of her family, but this was at a time that being a single mom was somewhat frowned upon.
My mom was born in 1953.
Back then, being a single mother could be looked at in the wrong way. Many women in these positions found themselves kicked out of their family home, with no support, forced to give their children up for adoption, and in many situations, relatives would take the child and claim them as their own. According to the US Committee on Finance, in 1950, only one in 20 children was born to an unmarried mother. Some 50 years later than number is one in three.
Being a single mom these days is much more common, and the stigma that was once associated with being a mother raising a child alone is luckily mostly a thing of the past.
There are 15 million single family-led households in the United States, and more than 80% of them are headed up by single moms.
My great-grandparents were clearly very ahead of their time. This was even more rare given that my great-grandfather was a first-generation Italian American and had come from Italy at the age of 9. They were supportive of my grandmother from the beginning and helped in every way possible, including living together at points to help my grandma so she could continue to work and raise my mom.
My grandma Nettie worked as a seamstress at a sewing factory in Brooklyn.
She worked long, hard hours and would often come home exhausted. Through it all, though, she made sure my mom wanted for nothing. My mom always had new clothing, food on the table, toys to play with, and books to read. My grandma never wanted my mom to feel that she was missing out on anything — father or not.
When my mom was young, with money saved up from working and help from her parents, the family purchased a three-bedroom house in Long Island, New York. Although the entire family eventually decided to move back to Brooklyn, my grandma had used much of her own money to help purchase the family’s dream home in the late 1950s. Again, this was not common.
When they moved back to Brooklyn, my grandma wanted to make sure my mom had the best education she could and sent her to private Catholic school.
Although the fee of $52 a year (or $26 a semester) may seem small now, at the time it was considered a lot of money and was often tough for my grandma to pull together. Sometimes the tuition was late, and the situation was often made worse when the nuns at school would call up a child up to their desk to ask where the money was. It was hard for my grandma, and often the tuition, which was paid in cash, was made up of $1 and $5 bills put aside every week.
Nettie worked hard and made sure that my mom had everything she needed to grow up well-educated and, more than anything, well-loved. My mom was raised around our big Italian family. You can tell in family photos that she was the light of everyone’s life.
Seeing how hard my grandma worked to raise her well and provide for her, my mom wanted to do everything in her power to live her best life.
After graduating from the High School of Fashion Industries in New York City, my mom went on to become an executive in the highly competitive garment industry in NYC. She never forgot how hard her mom worked for her and made sure it was noted.
We must do better about giving single moms credit where credit is due and pay our respect. Some do not find themselves in this position by choice — due to various obstacles — and some choose to become single moms, wanting more than anything to become mothers.
When I think of my grandma, a single mom in the 1950s, I am truly blown away by everything she managed to accomplish. It is because of her hard work and devotion that I have the mom I have and that I am the mom I am.
Many single mothers are doing it ALL — playing the part of mom and dad.
They are working, raising their children, cooking dinner, cleaning, going back-to-school shopping, cleaning sticky little hands, and shuffling their kids to catch the school bus.
They’re mothers just like you and me.
We must not overlook the power of being a woman and raising a child on our own. It’s tough. It’s a challenge. But through it all, mothers do whatever they feel they need to do for their children. That’s what being a true mother is — single or not.
