If you'd asked a mom-to-be if she was having a gender reveal in the 1990s, she would've looked at you like you were crazy. Fast forward a few decades, and having a celebration to find out if you are having a boy or a girl is all the rage, despite the many mishaps we've seen arise from these events. Many people go all out for their gender reveal parties, which is amazing. Others want nothing to do with a gender reveal, which is also a perfect choice. It is 100% up to the expecting parents to welcome their baby into the world in the way they want to.
A couple struggled for years to get pregnant, and finally, after failed fertility treatments and miscarriages, they are having their rainbow baby. They wanted to find out the baby's gender but only wanted to reveal it to a small family group. But a sister-in-law stepped in and planned a giant party behind the couple's back, which upset them. They confronted her, and she made them feel like jerks. Who's in the wrong?
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This rainbow baby felt like a miracle.
The mom-to-be posted in Reddit's AITA forum, explaining that she and her husband, both in their early 30s, have wanted a baby for a long time but have struggled. When they finally found out they were expecting their baby, OP was "cautiously optimistic." She is very close to her SIL, who offered to host a gender reveal. OP declined but said she would reveal the gender to a small group of family only.
"She begged us to do the gender reveal and we told her several times that we want to keep it intimate and just immediate family. We weren't ready to announce our news to anyone just yet because I suffer from anxiety and ptsd from our previous losses," she wrote.
OP's SIL went totally overboard.
She didn't listen to the couple's wishes, and when they got to the house, it was a full-blown bash with a giant guest list. OP was totally overwhelmed and upset but hid her feelings. She told her husband how she felt, and they agreed to confront the SIL.
"When we did, she took it very personally and felt we were being 'ungrateful and unfair.' She said she had put a lot of thought into our gender reveal and just wanted us to feel celebrated after all these years. She thought 'the more people the merrier.' I told her we are grateful it's just that we had only one request that she completely disregarded and that she has to understand how this could have upset us. But she insisted that we were being 'too much' and even 'rude' for 'coming at her' instead of 'thanking her.'"
Who blew it?
It wasn't even a discussion for Redditors.
The people of Reddit 100% agreed that OP's SIL was in the wrong. The comments went pretty hard against her.
One person wrote: "NTA. She is extremely disrespectful to you and your husband. She's making it all about her. I wonder if she's jealous of you in a way, feeling like she should always be the center of attention but you tend to be as a result of your challenges in trying to conceive, not that you want to be."
"NTA you were clear about your boundaries/concerns and she chose to not respect them," someone else commented.
Another person agreed writing, "NTA, you clearly stated what you wanted for YOUR gender reveal, and she turned it into a party for herself with her friends."
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OP set a reasonable boundary that was totally ignored.
Reddit users don't feel that she owes her SIL any kind of apology. In fact, they think the SIL needs to apologize to the OP.
This person left some words of encouragement: "As someone who also suffered infertility and multiple losses, I understand exactly why you wanted it immediate family and very small. We didn't even do a baby shower until 32 weeks with our rainbow, because of my anxiety. Pregnancy after loss is super hard. Hang in there. You aren't alone."
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