As parents, we want to make sure we're doing what we can to help our kids feel supported. Sometimes that means cheering them on while they fumble through a soccer game or encouraging our kids to really be who they are, regardless of what other people think. It's a task that is sometimes easier said than done, especially when others give their opinions that were never asked for.
This is a situation one mom has found herself in, so she sought the advice of Reddit.
Taking to Reddit's AITA community, the original poster shared a situation she's found herself in between her mom and her son. "So I (f26) have a 4 year old who is very masculine," she started her post off saying, adding, "but also loves pretty things. I buy all his clothes, obviously, but he picks out what he wears."
While out shopping, OP saw something on the rack she thought her little guy would love, so she bought it.
"I've always bought his clothes in the boys section, but recently I found a sequins dress (he loves sparkles) and decided to buy it for him and see if he wanted to wear it," OP explained. "I didn’t put it on him, or even mention I bought it, I just put it in his closet as an option for him."
That sounds like what would typically happen when she buys clothes, no need to make this one a stand-out big deal just because it's a dress, right?
Her son found the dress in his closet when he was choosing an outfit for the day, and he loved it.
"The next day he pulled it out, as I kind of figured he would, and wore it to pre-k," OP explained. It's no big deal, just like a pair of black pants wouldn't be a big deal, right?
"Now he wears it sometimes, and I’ve decided to provide him more options since he clearly likes 'girly' clothes," mom said, being supportive of what her son feels comfortable wearing. He loves it and mom is OK with it — but one person isn't as supportive.
It turns out, grandma hates that he wears dresses sometimes and isn't shy when it comes to sharing her opinion.
"My Mother hates this idea," OP said. "She’s not anti gay, or really even against boys wearing dresses, but her issue is that my son never specifically asked for a dress or complained about wearing boys clothes."
"She thinks I’m making him 'confused' for no reason, and said I should have never even provided the option," explains OP.
OP then asked the community its opinion on her situation, wondering if she was in the wrong for buying him sparkly dresses.
Wanting to clarify a few things, OP updated her post with a little bit more information.
"There’s something I should clarify, my son has expressed an interest in dresses," OP wrote. "He’s never requested a dress or girls clothes, but he does play dress up in my old ones."
OP also said that her son didn't even blink an eye at wearing it to pre-kindergarten. "I told him he might get teased, but he’s 4 in a progressive area so that didn’t even register with him," she said. Adding, "No one has been mean to him to my knowledge."
Reddit chimed in with opinions on who was in the wrong here.
"NTA," one person wrote. "You know your kid likes sequins. You put it in the closet as an option for HIM to decide what HE wanted to wear, not what you wanted him to wear. If he had never put it on, that would be his decision too. Allowing him the freedom to choose what he wants and giving him options is being a good point. Clothes have no gender."
"NTA – at 4 years old, he wasn't choosing to wear the piece of clothing because it was a dress, it was because it was sparkly and covered in sequins (which he happens to love)," another commented. "Your mother is the AH in this situation. He's 4 years old – he needs to be shown that he has the ability to choose something when presented with multiple options, whether they be sparkly, girly, pink, blue etc… He will learn to explore and be creative!"
"I'm going to go with the unpopular opinions and say YTA, at least a little," another wrote. "I understand that you had his best interest at heart, but I believe you were misguided and most of the people on this thread are ignorant. I'm not sure how many answering are really parents because they appear to have very idealized visions of children. Have you met any other 4 year old children? They already have internalized societal norms and gender roles by this age. It would have been different if he asked for a dress, but he didn't. You're setting him up to be socially ostracized."
"NTA," agreed another Redditor. "It doesn’t matter if your son didn’t ask — why should he need to? Clothes are clothes, they are gender neutral. You gave him the option and he took it, and that’s great! He might grow out of wanting to wear traditionally feminine items or he might not. Either way, you are giving the freedom to express himself."
Hopefully, this little kid is able to continue to express himself, however that looks, as he grows.
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