Making everyone happy with your baby’s name shouldn’t be so hard. Honestly, it shouldn't even matter as long as both parents love it. But one woman had a tough time getting her boyfriend’s mother onboard with the moniker they decided on for their unborn child. According to the mom, Grandma still hates it so much that she has been telling her friends that her grandson’s name is “Kyle” because his real name sounds like a "terrorist.”
The couple had their baby in May, at the end of their last year of college.
“He was not planned but is so very loved,” the mom explained in her Reddit post.
Now both she and her boyfriend are done with school and are living separatly back at their parents' houses.
“He works during the week and comes to stay with me every Friday through Sunday,” she wrote.
Because of the ongoing pandemic, her son hadn’t met her boyfriend’s side of the family yet.
Partly that’s because his mom “isn't being super safe in regards to the Thing That Shall Not Be Named.”
On Thanksgiving, her boyfriend stopped at his mom’s house before he drove to be with his girlfriend and their baby. That is when she learned of the little fib her boyfriend’s mother has been telling people.
Apparently, some of Grandma’s Thanksgiving guests asked how “Kyle” was doing.
Reader — their baby is named Khalil.
“My boyfriend was confused and found out that his mom has been calling our son ‘Kyle’ to her friends and some family,” she wrote.
When her boyfriend confronted his mother about the switch later, she told him that “she didn't want them to think we gave our son the name of a Muslim terrorist.”
That statement is racist, hateful, and point-blank wrong.
“I'm not Muslim. I'm Christian and my boyfriend is too,” the girlfriend wrote, “but I am Black and he is white.”
She told her boyfriend that she doesn’t want his mother meeting their baby until she calls him by the correct name to friends and family.
“I asked my boyfriend what she calls him when her friends aren't around and he said she mostly just calls him ‘the baby.’ She never uses his real name,” she added.
Her boyfriend thinks she’s being a little too harsh — after all, this is their baby’s grandmother.
But the mom thinks there’s something deeper going on.
“I feel like she is only doing this because she is upset that her grandson isn't all white and calling him Kyle can trick her friends into thinking he is,” she explained. “She has pictures of him but he's still on the lighter side right now so I asked if she was passing him off as white.”
Her boyfriend called her “sick” for even suggesting that, but she was concerned that perhaps his mother hadn’t even been telling people that her grandson is half Black.
"Can you tell me with 100% honesty that your mom's friends and family know that your son is half Black?" she asked her boyfriend. “He said his family knew because they know me but he doesn't know if her friends know.”
Her boyfriend told her this whole mess was “unimportant” and that “I need to stop making this a race issue because it isn't.”
He thought this was an issue of his mother hating their baby name “and that's all there is to it.”
“We haven't talked about it since yesterday and I am worried about bringing it up again,” she wrote. “Am I overreacting?”
Most commenters had three words for her boyfriend's mother: What. The. Frick?
“You need to keep your son away from bf’s mom, not because she calls him by the wrong name, but because she’s a terrible person,” one person commented. “There is absolutely no way a beautiful mixed race young boy would be able to be around that woman for any length of time and NOT be damaged by her.”
“And her boyfriend needs to adult up and actively support and defend his nuclear family, and not enable his mother's racism,” another commenter added. “Or else he's as bad as she is.”
“[t]'s 100% a race issue. Your bf is blind if he can't see that,” a third commenter remarked. “Too bad if his mom hates the name, it's still your son's name and she needs to respect that. Start calling her Joanne, no matter what her real name is. Unless that is her name, in which case call her Mary.”
A few people thought the grandmother was right.
“You need to understand clearly that just because you in your incredibly naive daydream cloud-bubble think the name is wonderful, doesn't mean everyone else will think it's innocent,” one commenter wrote. “You have left your son open to a LOT of crap in his future life because you didn't bother to consider how HIS name would affect HIS life.
“She's clearly worried that will all the violent Muslim-hating in the world right now, that giving the kid an obviously middle eastern name would leave him open to all kinds of dangerous repercussions,” the person continued. “She's worried for his safety and you're accusing her of racism? Grow up and get over your attitude, her loving concerns for the baby's safety are completely justified and you should be thanking her for it instead of pulling this ridiculous temper tantrum.”
“Your BF says his whole family knows the child is biracial. Do you have any indication that they are upset about that?” another person wondered. “You’re right to insist that your son is called by his proper name but you’re jumping to some big conclusions here. Yes she has some bigoted religious views but why not trust your BF? He would know. As time goes on you will see for yourself if changes need to be made.”
A third person had this to say: “Yes, you are overreacting, and i hope your child never reads he was not planned. What a stupid sentence. This is a stupid argument over a stupid name. If you ever want to keep this relationship I would consider thinking this through.”
Clearly, this debate brought out some strong feelings in Reddit commenters.
Later in the thread, the mom went over a few points she felt people had gotten wrong. First of all, she doubted that her baby’s grandmother was worried about the “Muslim-hating world.”
“She's concerned for the safety of an infant?” she wrote. “If she thinks her friends are going to think her infant grandson is a terrorist then she needs better friends. Khalil was the name of my uncle and he took great pride in his name. It never held him back.”
In the end, all the mom really wants is for her boyfriend’s mom to embrace who her son is.
“I want him to love every part of who he is and am worried spending time around MIL would ruin that,” she wrote. “Khalil has done nothing wrong and we both want to give him the best life possible.”
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