Lately, it feels like I’m watching everyone I know go through a midlife crisis. I hate that term. Why must it be a crisis? Why can’t it be a metamorphosis? Maybe this is when we really become beautiful and evolve into the person we were meant to be. I don’t know about you, but I feel like the first 20 years of my life were spent meeting my parents’ expectations and the next 20 or so years have been spent putting out fires as a mom. I think deciding to do what’s best for me, care about me, and love myself is a big deal. I think it’s maybe the first time I’ve lived for myself since I was about 3 years old. I’m stoked! But I also think it’s different for everyone.
Some people may want to hold onto their old life, grasping desperately at their youth. Not me. Do I miss my smoking-hot 25-year-old body? Yep. Do I wish I was going through the stuff I went through at 25 again? Nope. That’s a hard pass for me. Give me sleepless nights with toddlers any day of the week.
I've been living for others for way too long. Now, I'm letting go of expectations to become happy.
My entire life has been spent trying to live up to other people’s expectations of me and all it’s gotten me is eating disorders, body dysmorphia, depression, and anxiety with a side of mania just to keep things interesting. It’s made me second-guess myself, underestimate myself, and defer to other people’s opinions of what I’m supposed to be doing and how I’m supposed to be doing it.
I’m not a people pleaser, but I’ve spent my life living for other people — first my parents, then my friends, boyfriends, then my husband and daughters. I’ve lived so hard for other people that I’ve forgotten who I even am; what I like, don’t like, and believe. I lost myself in everyone else’s wants and needs. But not anymore.
I've had to decided whether I'm going to fold under this midlife crisis pressure or embrace a new mom attitude.
Recently, I’ve found myself doing more of what I want, and what I want doesn’t always line up with what other people want of me. Maybe they think this is the new me but, honestly, it’s the real me. The one I’ve been pushing to the side and to the back of the line for the past 20 years. I honestly have few regrets. Everything I did, I did willingly and wholeheartedly. I wanted to do those things for the people I love. I just forgot that I’m supposed to be one of the people I love. That’s probably the saddest part of all.
I’ve realized that it’s never too late to become who you want to be and you are never stuck being who you were. Your time isn’t up until you’re dead. If you’re reading this, you’re not dead yet, so let’s stoke those fires and live the life we’ve always wanted to live. Remember, where there is a will, there is a way. Look for the way.
I’ve been home raising my children and supporting my husband and I was happy. Maybe a little bored, very overwhelmed, and busy. But now I want more. I want to do something just for me; just because I want it. It doesn’t need to be reasonable or make sense to anyone else but me. I deserve that. You do, too.
It's time to get your groove back, mama!
I’ve gone back to school to get another masters to start a new career, building on my passion. Yes, a new career. Why not? My family has been right here supporting me while I chase this dream. The same way I’ve supported them all these years. It feels amazing. It’s empowering to fight for your goals while everyone you love is right beside you reminding you that you can, jumping in where needed to make sure that you can. It feels so good to get that love and support that I invested in my family fully reciprocated. It’s not about tit for tat, but it’s nice, especially as a mom, to feel appreciated and to realize that your sacrifices didn’t go unnoticed.
I’ve started working out and taking time for myself to make sure that my needs are met. I’m walking and rowing five days a week. This time it’s not about being skinny, it’s about being healthy. It’s about living another 50 years. It’s about being the shining example of determination and dream chasing to my girls. Maybe it’s a midlife crisis, but I don’t feel in crisis. I feel empowered. My daughters have watched me do this and now, they come to the gym with me and it makes me so happy to see them putting themselves and their health and happiness first now instead of 25 years from now, when they’re my age.
It's also time to reinvest in your partner.
This one has been a long time coming and honestly, I feel pretty, terrible about how back burner our relationship has had to exist for some of the years. We used to be that fun couple who couldn’t keep their hands off of one other. We used to travel and date night was every night. We were happy just being together. Then kids happened and no sleep, breastfeeding, terrible twos, 2 kids under 3, constant running to ballet, gymnastics, violin, and cheer and now the teen years keep us on our toes. We've been exhausted for the past 18 years. To be honest, the teen years feel like a blessing because we can finally spend some more time together as a couple because the girls are more self-sufficient.
The point is, this isn’t a midlife crisis by any stretch of the imagination but instead, its a midlife awakening to who I am and who I want to be for the next 50 years. What about you? Have you taken inventory? Are you who you want to be? Are you happy? If not, find what makes you happy and do that. No one's coming to rescue you, you are the hero in your own story.
I know the kids are going to grow up and move away sooner than I’d realized. They will soon start to live just for themselves and I’m ecstatic for them. That means I’ll have even more time to focus on myself and figure out what my happiness looks like. Everyone deserves that.
So, this a-ha moment isn’t a midlife crisis by any stretch of the imagination. Instead, it's a midlife awakening to who I am and who I want to be for the next 50 years. What about you? Have you taken inventory? Are you who you want to be? Are you happy? If not, find what makes you happy and do that. No one's coming to rescue you, you are the hero in your own story.
