I Offered To Help My Daughter’s Friend With Her Black Hair Care & Her White Mom Is Super Offended

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When it comes to hair care, Black girls require different cleaning and moisturizing regimens, as well as protective styles because of the anatomy of their hair. Adoptive parents or parents of biracial children typically have their kids’ best interests at heart. But some parents may lack knowledge about how to properly care for their daughters’ hair.

It’s not uncommon for well-meaning acquaintances to offer their knowledge or skills if a parent seems to be struggling. The same goes for Black hair care. One Reddit mom who volunteered to help her daughter’s friend was recently caught off-guard when the friend’s mom declined and seemed offended, despite admitting that other people have approached her about it before.

On Reddit, the mom said she noticed her daughter’s friend needed help with Black hair care.

In late September, a mom took to Reddit to share an interaction she recently had with the mother of her 9-year-old daughter’s friend, wondering if she was at fault.

“The friend is adopted, she’s black and her parents are white,” the OP  explained in an AITA subreddit thread. “We’ve had her around the house a lot the last few months and we’ve noticed that her parents don’t really know how to look after her hair.”

She decided to approach the friend’s mother and offer her help.

AITA for asking another mom if I could help with her daughter's hair?
byu/Slight_Beginning6445 inAmItheAsshole

The OP noted that she is white and her husband is “mixed.” However, her husband’s Black grandmother lives with them and “pointed out the girl’s hair and even tried to give her some haircare advice.”

She added, “I decided to bring up with the mom about her daughter’s hair and that my husband’s grandma was happy to give some advice or even wash/detangle and braid her hair.”

Unfortunately, the mom was offended and refused.

“The mom was really upset that I would suggest she couldn’t take care of her daughter properly and that I was overstepping boundaries,” the OP detailed. “I told her that my grandma-in-law just wanted to help her to help her daughter. She told me I was being rude and undermining her parenting.”

The OP wondered if she overstepped but acknowledged, 'It’s 2024.'

 Now, the OP admitted she “worried” she has ruined her daughter’s new friendship.

“I understand why she’s upset at thinking I’m trying to suggest she’s not looking after her daughter properly,” she wrote. 

However, the OP acknowledged, “On the other hand, it’s 2024. There is so much information out there to help her with her daughter’s hair plus we live near a big city where there is loads of salons she could take her daughter to.”

In the thread, Reddit users agreed she is NTA.

Redditors resoundingly agreed the OP is NTA in this situation.

One person wrote: “NTA, assuming the suggestion was given in relative private and not like, at a mom’s group in front of fifteen people. That woman needs to learn to love her daughter more than her pride.” She added, “Her daughter’s hair is different than hers and it requires different skills and tools to care for.”

“If she’s been told many times already, that means she’s choosing to neglect her daughter’s haircare needs,” someone else pointed out. “That isn’t okay. If she chooses to remain ignorant, then of course other people will offer to help because they will assume it’s an honest mistake rather than willful neglect.”

Meanwhile, another Reddit user shared: “As a mixed person raised by white parents, I would have LOVED if somebody taught my mom & dad how to care for my hair at a young age. Instead, I spent 20+ years getting it chemically straightened, because straight hair was all they knew, and they never bothered to ask anybody how to care for black hair.”