Having a sibling you are close to can be a lifesaver when it comes to having extra hands to care for your kids. Although no one is obligated to watch their nieces and nephews, it's a bonus when an aunt or uncle agrees. Some cousins grow up more like siblings because they spend so much time together as kids.
A mom thought that was how it would be for her children and those of her sister. She loved having her nieces and nephews around and often took care of five kids at once. But her sister made a hurtful remark about her parenting. Now, she refuses to watch her sister's kids because her sister disapproves of how she parents. Is that too much?
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Things had always seemed fine.
The mom posted about the dilemma with her sister on Reddit's AITA forum. The original poster has two kids and her sister has three. The kids range in age from 8 down to 3. Even though it could be chaotic, OP had always offered to watch the kids if her sister and brother-in-law neeedd a break.
"While I was watching all five kids, my 7-year-old started acting up, so I put them in time-out. My sister came back earlier than expected and saw this," OP wrote in her post. "She immediately pulled me aside and said she doesn't believe in time-outs and that I was being too harsh on my child. She then went on to give me an unsolicited lecture on how I should handle discipline, saying I should use 'gentle parenting' instead."
Her sister's words hurt her.
OP admitted she'd never criticized her sister's parenting and was shocked that her sister was critical of her. The next time her sister asked her to watch her kids, OP told her no. She doesn't want to be responsible for her children if her sister doesn't trust her judgment.
"She got really upset and accused me of overreacting. Now, she's not speaking to me, and my parents think I should just let it go for the sake of family harmony. But I can't shake the feeling that she crossed a line. So, AITA for refusing to babysit after she criticized my parenting?" she asked.
Redditors weren't sure what OP's sister expected.
One person wrote that OP was already using gentle parenting.
"Time out is, quite literally, gentle parenting. It seems your sister thinks that gentle parenting means no discipline at all, which, if not yet problematic, will be, most certainly, in the future. Undisciplined children become unmanageable," the person commented, adding that OP is not the a–hole.
This person agreed, writing, "If I'm remembering correctly I pretty sure the time out method actually is a form of gentle parenting, you're not screaming at your kids belittling them or worse, it's a time out to learn that actions have consequences. Perhaps you could tell your sister she is on a time out of convenient child care until she understands the consequences of her actions."
Many wondered why OP's parents were so quick to defend her sister.
One commenter made a keen observation. "She did cross a line. And why are your parents immediately on her side? Are you the kid who is always supposed to suck it up to keep her happy? Are they afraid they might have to babysit?" the person asked. "Tell your sister she had no business judging you or forcing unwanted advice on you, and that she owes you an apology, plus a lot of free babysitting. NTA."
This person had a similar response and commented, "If your parents are so concerned about family harmony, tell your sister that they have volunteered to babysit for her. Family helps family, right?"
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OP should probably keep her distance.
Redditors agreed that if the OP's sister doesn't like the way she does things, she needs to find a new sitter. OP isn't abusing the children or treating them unkindly; she is simply trying to reinforce good behavior. Her sister seems to be the one taking advantage of her kindness and abusing their relationship.
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