When we're kids, it's hard to conceptualize our parents as actual people. It's this weird thing that happens where we don't see all the complexities they have as humans — they're just mom and dad. As we grow up, and we begin to understand the world better, that reality slowly reveals itself — sometimes that's good and other times it can shatter what we thought was real in terms of our family.
That's what seemed to happen to one teenager who discovered something about her parents that rocked her world. The mom took to Reddit to ask if she was wrong for sharing what she did with her daughter.
Posting to Reddit's AITA, an anonymous mom started her post off with some background on her relationship with her daughter.
"I have a seventeen year old daughter who has been kind of difficult lately," the woman wrote. "She is getting really into social issues and just doesn’t stop when I ask her to."
The mom then went into details about a conversation she had with her daughter that had to do with her husband — and the teen's father.
The mom admitted something to her daughter that shook things up for their relationship.
"We were having a conversation last night about relationships," OP said. "I admitted that I didn’t love her father when I married him and I married him entirely for his money and she got very upset."
While this was the first time the mom admitted this to her teen daughter, she didn't think it would come as surprising as it was for her.
"I always assumed she kind of knew," OP wrote.
The mother assumed this because she says there have been many clues in her daughter's childhood.
"We have a 25 year age difference," the woman noted, adding they, "got married after less than a year of knowing each other and she’s heard stories from family about the crazy fights we used to have."
OP was shocked that her daughter was upset by what she had said. "She got really mad at me which I can’t figure out because she knows how much I love him right now. She just kept saying that was terrible and I set women back."
Her daughter made it clear she was mad – and called her out with an insult.
"She called me a prostitute," OP admitted, and her husband overheard and "began screaming and tried to ground her for two weeks," but she said she "talked him out of that." The mom explained that her daughter is "still mad" and her "but not mad at him for blowing up on her."
"My husband says I shouldn’t have told her when I knew she was going through this phase," OP said.
The mom asked the community if she was wrong for telling her daughter why she initially married her dad.
"YTA for giving your 17-year-old daughter some very complicated information that she couldn’t possibly begin to understand," one person explained. "Just because she knows there’s a 25 year age difference between you and your husband, doesn’t mean she knows that you married him purely for money. Honestly, I think you’re an a–hole for doing that too, but it’s not why you came here."
The commenter added: "Even if it’s true and even if subconsciously your daughter knew that, no kid would enjoy being told one of their parents didn’t love the other parent when they got married. Not everything is for your kids to hear, no matter how old they are. You are an a–hole. Your husband is right. And your daughter has every reason to be upset with you."
"No child period wants to hear that," commented another user. "OP would be the a–hole if she told her kid that 20 years from now."
"I don’t think the mom is an AH for telling her daughter this information, she’s 17 not 7," pointed out a Redditor. "OP was sharing her life experiences because I’m assuming she and her daughter were having an honest discussion about relationships. I also don’t think OP is an AH for marrying someone just for their money (as long as her husband was okay with it). Not everyone gets married for love, we don’t know OP’s life story, and her marrying to ensure the comfort of herself and her children doesn’t seem like a bad thing to me."
"NTA," another user thought. "I think there’s such a double standard in society surrounding this. It’s not okay for women to marry men for money, but it’s okay for older men to marry young women because they’re young and attractive? As long as both parties understand and have an agreement on the relationship and expectations, there’s nothing wrong and it’s not anybody else’s business. Maybe you shouldn’t have told your daughter at that moment, but you are two consenting adults and don’t owe anyone anything regarding your relationship."
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