Raising kids is hard. It can still be exhausting even if you have a partner to help share the physical and mental load. Single parents are heroes. They are doing it on their own, which surely isn't easy. But if they get help from family, does that disqualify them from claiming single parenthood? Some people think so.
A woman posted in Reddit's AITA forum because she considers herself a single mom since her child's father isn't in the picture, and a coworker took great offense because the mom gets help from her parents. She contends that she is very much single and that no one has the right to tell her how to live her life, and no one knows what it entails. Who is the a–hole here?
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The couple was young when their daughter was born.
The original poster introduced herself as a 30-year-old single mom with a 7-year-old daughter. Her ex left them when the child was a year old and skipped town to avoid child support. He has never been in the picture, and OP is raising her daughter alone.
She admits her parents are wealthy and helped her and her daughter get on their feet when her ex left.
"Luckily, my parents let me and daughter stay with them rent free until I could get back on my feet. My parents are very rich, so I understand I had a lot of privileges that most mothers in my position don't have," she explained. "For the past 4 years, my daughter and I have been happily living together in an apartment. I work full time at a nursing home and my daughter is thriving at her school."
Now she is on her own and doing well.
Social media caused some controversy.
Wouldn't you know? Some coworkers convinced OP to get a Facebook page. When she did, she put up photos of herself and her daughter and called herself a single mom. She is, right? Well, according to a coworker who is a single mom, she doesn't know the struggles well enough to give herself the title. That's when this s— storm began.
OP clapped back and said that she is indeed a single mom and her coworker needs to stay in her lane. That's when the coworker unleashed on her.
"Have you ever had to sacrifice a meal so your child could eat? No! Have you ever had to beg and panhandle for measly sums of change to buy diapers? No! Have you ever had to rely on government assistance, only to walk away with some food stamps? No!" the coworker shared.
"Have you ever cried yourself to sleep night after night, terrified that your lights were gonna be shut off? No!" the coworker continued. "None of that happened to you because you had Mommy and Daddy's money to bail you out every step of the way! You don't know what being a single mother is really like, so quit f—ing acting like you do."
Yikes. Who is wrong in this situation?
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Redditors want to know who this coworker thinks she is exactly.
No one should be telling anyone what kind of parent they are, and Redditors agree that OP's coworker was way off base.
"I would ask that lady if she thinks she can consider herself a single mom when there are people even worse off than her and what she had to go through. Everything is relative," someone suggested.
"NTA. Economic status doesn't have any bearing on whether you are a single mom or not. Your CW sounds jealous, jealous that you had things she didn't. I'd block her on FB and have a little contact with her at work as you can," another person wrote.
Was the lady doing this at work?
There were so many questions about how this was happening at work. Redditors want OP to take it up with HR.
"You're a single mother if you're 1) single and 2) a mother. There are no other qualifiers. You should document this event with HR in case she starts acting out again and tries to cause issues for you at work," someone suggested.
Another Redditor suggested OP get her boss involved.
"NTA, and this was a powerplay; I'd report that coworker if I could. She's harassing you," the person warned. "She wants to be the only 'single mother' amongst your coworkers. Screenshot the convo and go to HR (or whomever does HR at your job.)"
The best advice is to stay away from the drama.
OP, because you are new to social media, you should be sure to vet the people you add as friends a tad better going forward. Redditors warn that you should keep your work and private life separate. Here is the crux of the situation: Everyone's struggles are different, and she can't downplay your life any more than you should downplay hers.
Keep taking care of your daughter and living your life to the fullest. And good for you for recognizing that you are lucky to have loving parents to help you. This is your family business, and you owe no explanations.
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