When you think about it, we learn party etiquette from a young age. Still, the rules about invitations, behavior, and manners can get muddled. One mother felt her 4-year-old daughter was the target of some nastiness when the girl accidentally stumbled upon a birthday party that some of her friends attended at a trampoline park.
She had not been invited to the party. The mother was so upset by how her daughter was treated during the event that she asked the Mumsnet community if she should say something or just let it go.
The little girl was with her aunt when she spotted her classmates.
The mom was at work and had sent her sister and daughter to a trampoline park. While there, the little girl ran into some of her class friends. One of the friends was having a birthday party. There were a couple of tables, a few adults, and some kids. The daughter and aunt walked over to the area and the girl began playing with her classmates.
The birthday girl's mom turned her back on OP's daughter.
The mother of the birthday girl completely ignored the original poster’s daughter. She turned her back to her while offering all of the other children in attendance pizza and cake. Once the aunt noticed this, she attempted to remove her niece from the scene, obviously getting the message that she was not welcome there.
She must not have been that successful because when the cake came out, bearing the daughter’s favorite character, Elsa, she started crying.
The OP wondered if she should confront the birthday girl's mother.
The mom wrote, “I do know she had no obligation whatsoever to include my daughter, but I just find it so rude and cruel to act like this with a 4 year old, especially being from the same class. I could never do it.”
The mother asked the forum if she should privately message the mother or their parent group to encourage everyone to be nicer.
The Mumsnet community thought the OP would appear 'unhinged' if she said something.
The response from the community was a resounding "no." Many of the users chastised the aunt for not preventing her niece from walking over to the party in the first place because she was not invited. Commenters told the OP that if she were to write a message she would appear “unhinged.”
They also instructed her to have a conversation with her daughter about graciously accepting the fact that she won’t be invited to every party.
We think the birthday girl's mother could have shown more kindness.
There were a few parents who did acknowledge that the mother was being a bit mean. Which is where we tend to lean with all of this. While the aunt should have kept her away, once the child was over there, ignoring a 4-year-old — your daughter’s classmate — is just extremely rude and unnecessary.
If we were in that position, and if supplies permitted, we would have at least offered the little girl a small slice of pizza and a tiny piece of cake before hinting that we only had room for so many. How would you have handled this situation?
