When you're a mom, figuring out your kid's birthday party guest list is a big deal. For some parents it would be unthinkable not to invite every child in their kid's class, while other parents choose to plan smaller parties to keep costs down.
But if you plan a small party and an extra child shows up, is it wrong to give the child the boot? One woman doesn't think so and was willing to defend her stance in a post on Reddit.
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As a mom of three, the original poster is no stranger to the birthday party circuit.
As she explained on the Am I the A–hole forum, she's seen more than her fair share of parties where one parent drops off an extra kid "without considering that not all the children were invited."
"Sometimes more than one parent does this and honestly I think it's selfish," she wrote. It might be OK, in the OP's opinion, if the parent makes arrangements with the hosting family in advance, but most of the time there's no warning. And that leaves the hosting family in a bind.
"Who would say no to a child?" she wrote. "After all it's not their fault."
She's never been afraid to tell other parents her feelings about them bringing extra kids to birthday parties.
It can be miserable for an additional sibling a parent tries to pawn off on a party because they'll have no friend their own age to play with. And for parents who budgeted, an extra kid is just unfair. But she can empathize with other parents who have an emergency and need to drop off a child unexpectedly.
"It's the parent who has no regard for arrangements that gets to me," she explained.
Which is all to say that at her daughter's recent 10th birthday party, they'd kept things small because of social distancing.
"We thought to take the kids to a craft party where each child gets a pre-chosen crafting pack to work with for the event," she explained. "This worked out as the kids could have fun while social distancing."
It was a prepaid party "so any extra children would be unpaid for and would not have their own crafting kit," she explained. "This fact was heavily emphasized to the parents and not a word of discontent was uttered."
It all should have gone smoothly.
That's until one parent wondered what was the harm of dropping off one extra kid. At the party, the OP explained again to the parent that they'd prepaid and only had enough craft kits for the kids who RSVP'd and not siblings. The parent asked if the two kids they brought could share a pack and told the OP it wasn't fair to the extra child they'd brought if she said no.
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The OP wondered why the extra child couldn't stay with the parents instead of crashing the party.
"I was not given a reason other than the extra child was upset they couldn't go," she recalled.
"I stuck to it and firmly told parent that the extra child could not come," she continued. "I still stuck to my decision when the extra child threw the biggest tantrum, parent made no move to calm but instead blamed me for saying no and 'all the other parents always let both children attend.'"
If the party had been at the OP's house, she might not have minded, but this was a prepaid party and she thought it was hardly fair to make the kids share a craft pack.
The parent ended up taking both kids home.
The OP was equally annoyed because this meant the child who'd RSVP'd wasn't going to stay, despite her already paying for that spot. Another parent at the party who saw the whole thing told the OP that she should have let the extra child stay.
"But I feel teaching my children the value of your word and sticking to it is more important that sparing the feelings of a child and parent who should know better," she added.
The mom wondered if she was in the wrong for not letting the sibling stay.
Most people agreed — the parent deserved to get the extra kid booted.
"NTA," one person commented. "You aren't a child day care."
"OF COURSE NTA," someone else agreed. "Inviting someone's child to a party isn't volunteering to babysit their whole family, what?"
A third person pointed out that this wasn't just a violation of common courtesy — something a little more serious was at stake.
"The crafting place could have had everything set up so that the children could be distanced and completely safe which isn't easy when you're dealing with 10-year-olds," the person wrote. "All it would take is two or three extra kids and then there's a much higher chance of someone getting infected."
But at least one person thought the OP could've lightened up.
"So far you emphasize that it was pay per child and that child would have to share and that's just not gonna fly," the person wrote. "You could have let them share which they're probably used to but you had to put your foot down and now neither child could attend."
"I'm curious about the details of the two children, were they close in age? What are the details around it," the person continued. "The only person really effected by [extra kid] staying was [invited kid] and they didn't object to sharing. You should research the differences between ethics and morals."
Ultimately, it puts every parent in a bad spot when you bring an uninvited child to a birthday party, and no one should assume that a parent is going to be cool with it. If you simply must bring a plus one, always call the hosting family first — or be prepared to face the consequences.
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