When you’re a kid, few things compare to the anguish of being bullied. The words and actions of another person can have lifelong and often damaging effects. No one likes a bully, sometimes, not even their parents. When we have kids, we commit to raising them to be good human beings, and for plenty of parents, there is zero tolerance for letting their kids bully someone else.
As with any parenting issue, consequences vary among families, but one dad took some pretty extreme measures when he found out how his teenage daughter, Sam, was acting. In Reddit’s AITA thread, he explained that Sam had teamed up with a group of kids who were bullying a girl so badly that she ended up leaving school. The original poster is a zero-tolerance kind of dad and took away some big things from his daughter, like senior prom. Not surprisingly, she is devastated. But is he wrong?
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Apparently, this was more than just saying a few hurtful things.
OP wrote that Sam and her friends were making life miserable for this other student. But it wasn’t just a joke here and there. “There was a racial aspect to the bullying, which came as a complete shock since my wife and I truly did our best to raise our 3 kids to be kind and honest individuals,” he explained.
He believed that just taking away electronics or privileges wasn’t a “harsh” enough punishment for her behavior. He decided to go a lot further.
There will be no dances, no parties, and no social media for Sam.
OP was serious and wanted to prove that it is never OK to hurt another person. “I told Sam that she won’t be allowed to participate in homecoming or attend senior prom. I also told her that she won’t be getting a car for her 18th birthday either. Finally, I told her that she’ll have to delete all of her social media accounts with either me or her mother watching,” he wrote.
Not surprisingly, Sam begged her dad to ease up on the punishment, but he wasn’t budging. His parents, who are currently living with his family, agreed that Sam was totally in the wrong but felt that taking away her prom and social media was just too much. So, is he an a–hole? Or does Sam need this lesson?
Redditors praised OP for being firm.
The Reddit community stood by OP and thought he was right to take away Sam’s privileges.
“Good on you Dad!” one Redditor wrote. “I also agree that restorative actions are necessary to make her understand the depth of her actions. Volunteer work (homeless shelter, Habitat, soup kitchen) every weekend. Then assess as homecoming approaches If she did complain/skip/or needed someone to prod her into going, then she gets to go. Same for Prom. A whole year where she has to earn her privileges. Also, a meeting with the girl this happened to. Parents, too. To talk and offer sincere apologies.”
Someone who was bullied appreciated OP’s parenting. “NTA As a bullying victim myself, thank you for teaching her that there are consequences for such horrid behaviour,” the person commented.
People really couldn’t believe how far the bullying went.
One person wrote: “NTA. The fact that the poor kid moved schools, and the fact that race was part of this tormenting?”
While plenty felt OP was being fair, some had a suggestion.
Taking away her senior experiences is one thing, but a lot of Redditors felt like the social media ban was taking it a bit far. At the least, they wanted OP to let Sam save her pictures.
“The person she bullied has also missed lifetime events – having a trauma free school life for one,” someone noted. “That trumps going to prom or homecoming for me. Let her back up the photos before deleting the social media accounts though.”
“I only agree with saving the pics,” a Redditor chimed in. “She deserves to miss prom and grandparents need to mind their own business!! NTA.”
“I agree with everything here,” someone else wrote. “NTA judgement. A path to earn back prom. Back up the pics but delete all accounts. Therapy is so important here. Earning privileges is a great way to learn the value of those things. She’s young and very impressionable, OP don’t teach her she’s irredeemable.”
Redditors felt that tough love was the right move.
Although Sam will be missing a lot because of her dad’s punishment, she caused this other student so much pain and experiences that she will never be able to get back either. Redditors’ consensus was that OP was ultimately justified in his parenting and hoped the lesson would stick.
One keen Redditor also pointed out that if he backs down, Sam will win.
The person wrote: “NTA. The punishment fits the crime. This girl had to uproot her life. What will her prom mean to her, in a school where she barely knows anybody? And if you go back on it now, what will your daughter learn from this? That tantrums and crying mean she gets her own way. Now that you’ve set out the punishment you absolutely have to follow it through. Otherwise you’ll be teaching her a lesson, but not a good one.”
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