Being a stepparent is tough sometimes. Kids aren't always thrilled that their parent is marrying someone new and can frankly, act like jerks. If a biological parent has died, things can get even trickier. No one will ever replace the loved one that is gone, but a stepparent can help ease some of that pain. That is, of course, if that's what the family wants.
One stepmom is having a heck of a time with her new family, and it is taking its toll. She is 29, and her husband is 43 and has five kids. Their mom died, and it has been heartbreaking for all of them. When the couple was dating, the stepmom clarified that she didn't want to be their mother, and her partner respected that.
The couple got married, and now the stepmom is expected to do it all, but she is getting zero respect or thanks from her husband or the kids. She is sick of it and wants to wash her hands of the whole thing. She did not sign up for this and feels like she is being taken advantage of. She posted in a parenting forum on Reddit for other parents' advice on how to work through it.
There is no question here: Her husband expects her to be a mom.
The original poster laments that her husband said one thing and did a total bait-and-switch. She went from a "cool aunt" type to the primary parent who does everything.
"For example, I was expected to take the kids to school, help them with their homework, feed them, go to parent-teacher meetings, arrange their doctor appointments, arrange their afterschool activities, buy them new clothes, and such," she wrote. "Yet I was not allowed to disciple them whenever they acted out (nothing major just being teens) and got told I was 'overstepping.'"
But it doesn't end there. OP spent countless hours on a science fair project with one of the kids recently and stayed up until 3 a.m. finishing it. The girl won first place but gave no credit to OP and thanked everyone else. She completely excluded the stepmom.
That was the breaking point. She told them all that she was done working for them.
Everyone wants her to be a parent but not a family member.
Her in-laws are still hung up on their deceased daughter-in-law and don't include OP in any family photos. They don't want her in the family. Period. Speaking of family, the youngest child, 10, wants to call OP mom, but the other family members say that is "brainwashing."
She contends, "I wasn't, it was simply confusing for her as I was acting like a mom, doing all the mom things yet didn't even get treated as a member of the family. For example, my husband and his late wife used to go on a family vacation every year to the mountains, he and the kids still go but I'm not invited as it's a 'family tradition.'"
She feels disrespected and hurt.
'You are a live in nanny not a wife. You're being taken advantage of.'
One Redditor wrote what a lot of people were probably thinking. This doesn't sound like a marriage. It sounds like an employee/employer situation.
"This man almost certainly set out to find a young woman in difficult circumstances that he could take advantage of," someone suggested. "I'm sorry he found you. Once you leave, he will find another version of you to run this with again."
"Your husband took advantage of you," another person wrote. "I'm a single Dad of two. My kids are crazy difficult; I would never allow someone to take over as primary parent. You need to run while you are young. I'm 44 — you are young."
"You are a nanny that he gets to have sex with," reads another comment. "You do all the jobs of a mom without the title and the respect."
Ugh, that one had to hurt.
Redditors say this is her husband's fault.
The kids are a nightmare because their dad isn't helping. A lot of people think he is the bad guy.
"You have a husband problem," a comment reads. "Big one. Run before he 'tricks you' into expanding the family. Good luck OP. Sending positive vibes your way."
"This family sounds toxic AF," someone noted. "You're still young, I'd run for the hills."
"As a step mom who has been disrespected, I would get out now," someone else advised. "My step kids are 27 and 30 now and its still awkward. You do all the stuff a mom does but dont even get a generic mother's day thank you card. You situation is a little different than mine. My kids mom is still alive. They all moved into my house so I couldnt leave. And my husband and I have a daughter together who they hardly acknowledge. Run fast so you can find your real husband and have babies of your own."
OP, you are too young for this junk.
Redditors' best advice for OP is to get out while she is still young. She and her husband have no kids together, and nothing ties her to this guy. Some think he is just an opportunist who wants someone to care for his kids.
Redditors say to move on and find a husband who will love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You are too good for all of these people.
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