When a person decides to come out as LGBTQ, it is not always an easy thing to do. Sometimes family and friends are not accepting of the person's sexuality and can make things difficult or uncomfortable. These circumstances can be exacerbated when a teenager comes out because other teens can be just plain mean.
A Redditor's son recently told his family that he is gay, and his older brothers gave him a tough time. The mom was fed up with their behavior and let the brothers know by canceling a birthday trip for one and making the other one leave the house. Her husband thinks she was too harsh, but she wants to protect her son. The mom went to Reddit's AITA forum for some opinions from impartial parties.
The mom has three sons.
The original poster wrote that her 15-year-old son recently came out to his family, which includes a brother, 17, and another brother, 19. When the youngest son made his announcement, his brothers immediately started cracking jokes and saying "disgusting homophobic things."
OP did not appreciate how they were treating their brother. She repeatedly told them to stop. "My 15yo just sat there uncomfortable looking he wanted to cry," she explained.
OP's youngest son left the room.
Her youngest son was visibly shaken and hurt by his brothers' jokes and got up to leave the room. Trying to cover themselves, the older boys said they were just joking and "we love you bro and and we knew."
OP wasn't having it and told her oldest son, who doesn't live at home, to leave, and informed her other son that she was canceling his birthday trip.
"My husband thinks since they said they didn't mean [it] and they love him, my reaction was wrong and will just cause friction between them, he especially got upset at me telling our oldest to leave and started an argument that hasn't ended yet. AITA?" she asked.
According to Redditors, there should be zero tolerance for homophobic slurs.
The comment section was filled with people who thought OP did the right thing protecting her son. Homophobia is never OK.
"The thing is — if the older brothers immediately started in on homophobic jokes to "ease the tension" (or whatever), chances are they have made homophobic jokes in the past as a matter of course. And that means the youngest had a REAL CONCERN that his brothers really did believe all of that s—," one person wrote.
"NTA just ask your husband and homophobic sons' what was funny?' Be REALLY genuine about it too. Something like 'OK, maybe I was overreacting. Maybe explain the jokes to me. What was funny? What was funny about ganging up on a child in a vulnerable moment?'" someone suggested.
"Your 15 y/o is probably glad that you stood up for him. Coming out to your family is really hard already, and homophobic 'jokes' only make it that much harder," another person wrote. "The 17 y/o needed to learn a lesson and this seems like a good way to do it! He'll think twice before joking now (at least at his brother's expense)."
The rest of OP's family needs to get it together.
Redditors don't just think the older boys are wrong. They don't like the dad either. Why did he sit back and let them tease their bother, especially in such a vulnerable situtation?
"This breaks my heart. Maybe your husband needs to talk to your 15 year old to see how he feels about it instead of making excuses for his older sons. That poor boy," one comment reads.
"NTA and your husband needs to face up to the truth: homophobic jokes = the experience of homophobia to the person being joked about. It really doesn't matter if the brothers believed what they said or not," someone commented. "This is particularly important when it's a younger brother. No doubt your boy had been afraid that this was exactly what would happen."
"Honestly, they probably need therapy, and a wake up call for how unfunny homophobia is," another commenter wrote. "I won't say they were raised wrong, but your husband excusing their behavior at the expense of his other son is telling."
OP, it's clear that your youngest son needs you.
Redditors think you were the nurturing parent and did the right thing for your son. He was brave enough to tell his truth, and the rest of the family dumped on him. You don't need to reward or accept that kind of behavior.
They think your older sons aren't telling jokes but just acting homophobic, and it's not OK, particularly to their brother. Good for you for standing up to them and stopping the bullying. Your son is lucky to have you in his corner.
