When it comes to blended families, what a child calls their stepparent is not always clear-cut. Some children might naturally start calling a stepparent “mom” or “dad” while others might feel more comfortable calling a stepparent by their name or using a different term of endearment. In some situations, although a child might feel comfortable calling a stepparent “mom” or “dad,” the parents could have an issue with it.
One mom on TikTok was shocked when she found out that her toddler has been calling her ex-husband’s new wife “Mama.” Although the mom, Michelle Kimball, likes her ex-husband’s new wife and thinks the stepmom treats her son well, she still feels “really hurt.”
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The mom confronted her ex-husband about it after she heard her son call his stepmom 'Mama.'
In a video shared on TikTok, Michelle explained how she found out about her son calling his stepmom “Mama.”
“I just met up with my ex-husband to exchange our son and I found out that my toddler has been calling my ex-husband’s new wife ‘Mama,'” she explained.
The discovery prompted her to confront her ex-husband directly. “I said, ‘has Ryder been calling her Mama?’” Michelle explained in the video.
Her ex-husband told her that Ryder's stepmom is 'his mom when you’re not there.'
Her ex-husband’s response was baffling to Michelle and many of her followers. When Michelle asked him why her son has been calling his stepmom “Mama,” he said, “because she is his mom when you’re not there.”
Michelle said she told her ex-husband that his new wife “is not his mom,” but he reiterated the same point: “she is when you’re not there.”
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Hurt by the discovery, Michelle asked her followers if she was overreacting.
Learning that her toddler has been calling his stepmom “Mama” hurt Michelle, so she decided to ask her followers about the situation. “Am I just in my emotions of being upset about this?” she asked in the video. “Because I birthed him. Personally, I feel like I’m the only one that gets that privilege.”
Although Michelle’s parents also split up when she was a child, she said she couldn’t “imagine calling somebody else ‘mom’ when I was growing up.”
Some TikTok users were adamant that it is not OK.
Responses to the video were mixed, but some people said that Michelle has every right to be upset.
One person commented: “As a step mom. oh hell no. my stepson calls me by my name.”
Another person shared their perspective as a person who is close to their stepmother. While they wanted to call their stepmom “Mom,” their stepmom wasn’t OK with that. “My stepmom has been in my life for almost 20 years now,” the person shared. “I remember asking if I could call her mom, and she gently said no bc I have one. She calls herself my parent, and me her daughter. But not mom.”
One person couldn’t understand how Ryder’s stepmom was OK with being called “Mama.” “She shouldn’t even be okay with that…” the commenter wrote. Michelle replied to the comment, writing, “I agree! She has kids!!!!! She is good to Ryder so I’m not trying to dog her, but I’m really hurt. How would she feel if her kids called someone else mama?”
Others said it depends ...
Some TikTokers could see both sides though — or could at least see some situations in which it would be acceptable for Ryder to call her “Mama.” For one person who responded, it depends on whether Ryder started saying it on his own or not.
“Is it something Ryder is saying on his own or is it something they’ve coxed ‘you can call me mama’ etc,” the commenter wondered. “If he’s saying on his own I’d let him call her what’s comfortable/natural.”
Another person empathized with how Michelle felt about her son calling another person “Mama,” but said “it’s all apart of co-parenting!” The person added, “I know at first it feels devastating but in the long run you will realize how amazing it is for a child to have such love parents on both sides!”
To some moms, it was totally OK — and maybe even a good sign.
While most people who watched the video could understand why Michelle initially felt hurt, they could understand why her son might want to call his stepmom “Mama” and thought it might be a sign that his stepmother is treating him well.
“Is she good to your kid?” one person asked. “My daughter calls her stepmom and me both mom. i dont think it is a bad thing; he recognizes her as a safe person. i feel that toddlers will say mama if they feel that love.”
“My boys call their step mom Mama and I’m totally okay with it,” one TikToker wrote. “She is there when I can’t be and treats them like her own. It may seem like the worse thing in the world but those babies are loved.”
Another person weighed in with, “That means he’s comfortable with her ❤️.”
In a follow-up video, Michelle shared that she likes her ex-husband’s new wife. “She is good to Ryder and Ryder loves her,” she told her followers, which might explain why he has taken to calling her “Mama,” but doesn’t necessarily make it sting any less.
