Having an alternative lifestyle is often something that parents want to keep quiet. There may be a fear of being shunned, or worse, of having your kids be shunned. Being ostracized from your parent community is a valid fear that many polyamorous moms have to think about. But for some, being open about their lifestyle is actually the best thing for them.
Being open with the community at large is one thing, but what about with your own kids? Would your kids even understand what it means? Some moms may even be scared of being judged by their own children. But for the ones who do tell their kids, some say it’s only made their family unit more successful.
Bringing in a third partner made one family feel complete.
Mom of two Nichole Gonzalez, 29, spoke with the New York Post about her unconventional family. When she gave birth to her daughter in 2023, her husband and their female partner were in the delivery room, holding her legs as she pushed.
“It was important to have both of my partners in the delivery room,” she said. Gonzalez told the outlet that her 9-year-old son considers her partner Sasha, to be his third parent.
Her son once told her, “I like her name, but I’d like to call her mom.” This was heartening to the mom; it seemed to validate the choice she made to be open about the family’s practice. And in her mind, bringing a third person in, has been good for everyone.
“If you’re bringing the right person into your family, your kids have more love,” Gonzalez said. “That’s the best thing a kid could have.”
Polyamorous moms are becoming more common.
While it may seem that polyamory or consensual non-monogamy is a fad and only something for single people, that’s not entirely true. “Among those who practice CNM, many have children,” a 2024 report from the University of Quebec noted. According to the report, 1 in 5 adults in the US and Canada have had a polyamorous relationship.
Study investigators interviewed 18 children of polyamorous moms, and they found “these children generally appreciated their parents’ partners.”
“When raising a child inside of a polyamorous unit, you actually have more caretakers for your child,” certified sex and relationship psychotherapist Gigi Engle told the New York Post. “You have more hands, more guidance, and more love to give the kids.”
Another polyamorous mom shares her story on social media.
Self-described “soccer mom” Courtney Boyers keeps her partners separate from her kids and husband. After over a decade of marriage, non-monogamy strengthened her relationship, she said. But that doesn’t mean she wasn’t concerned about sharing it with her kids.
@coachcourtneyboyer Just a #soccermom sharing how #nonmonogamy saved my #marriage #polyamorytiktok #openrelationship #enm ♬ Whos that girl – amira
“I was terrified they’d think of me as a monster or disgusting,” she admitted to the New York Post. “They said, ‘We love you. We don’t care,’” she said. “It was the most beautiful thing.” She believes that being open about her lifestyle actually makes her a better mom.
“I take each of my kids out for one-on-one dates each month,” she said. “If I can make time to go on dates with men I don’t know, I can do the same with my kids — we go to a restaurant and talk about everything.”
