When you love a child how much does their genetic makeup contribute to that love? For some, paternity, DNA, and familial connections mean everything. They’ll tell you blood is thicker than water and they want to know that the blood that flows through that child’s body matches theirs in some way.
But for one family, their bond is bigger than biology. Two polyamorous couples — a quad — who like to call themselves a Polyfamory online, shared that they are a family by love, not blood. They stand by this motto so completely that when the two women in the quad became pregnant, they didn’t even care to know which of their two partners fathered the children.
The quad met in 2019 when they were trying to spice up their marriages.
We’ve reported about the Polyfamory before. The quad consists of married couples Taya and Sean Hartless and Alysia and Tyler Rodgers. The four met online in 2019 when they were all attempting to spice up their marriages.
After a year, they fell in love and the Hartlesses moved in with the Rodgers in Oregon, according to People. The Rodgers, Alysia and Tyler, had two children of their own: a son and a daughter, now 7 and 8. While you might think explaining a polyamorous relationship to children would be difficult, Tyler said it was pretty easy.
The quad say explaining the arrangement to their children was not a problem.
"Our kids already knew we were dating Sean and Taya," Tyler told Today. "We told them: 'You know mom has a boyfriend and dad had a girlfriend and we're going to move in together, and we're all going to be a big family and they're going to help parent you, so we're going to need you to treat them like you treat us — like parents.'"
Apparently, the quad felt so comfortable in this arrangement they added two additional children to it.
They said knowing their children's paternity is irrelevant.
"I birthed one and Taya birthed the other," Alysia says. "We did not regulate the biology.” Not regulating the biology means the quad do not know which man fathered the family’s 22-month-old and 15-month-old children.
Alysia says all four of them are equal parents to all of the children so this information was irrelevant. Still, it’s not something they intend on intentionally hiding from their children either.
“If they want to know where their DNA comes from, we will absolutely go down that path with them,” Alysia explained. “But at this point in their lives, it doesn't matter.”
There are challenges that come with the lifestyle.
The quad acknowledged that their family dynamic does come with some challenges. There are moments of jealousy within the quad. Strangers have a tendency to reduce their relationships to something that is strictly sexual. There are some family members who don’t fully accept their family unit. And there are moments when parenting styles clash.
"I tend to be a little more — some would use the word 'harsh,' I use the word 'structure,'" Sean told Today. "I think that there's benefits to the way I do things, and there's benefits to the way they want to do things through gentle parenting. Kids are ever-changing, so if you get stuck in one style of parenting it's not going to work. I'm struggling the most with learning that, so we still have conversations about that daily."
But for this polyamorous family, there are more benefits than not.
Ultimately, everyone in the quad agrees that the benefits outweigh the difficulties. There are always four adults to handle children and other household duties. Alysia, Tyler, and Sean, all work outside of the home full time. So the parents can breathe a sigh of relief, knowing Taya, another parent, is taking care of the children.
Sean believes his children benefit from their family structure as well. Sean says they’ve learned that “relationships don't have to look a certain way." However they choose to live is 100% their choice. Alysia added that no matter what they choose, their parents will love them and support them no matter what.”
