My parents grew up in Hong Kong. They didn’t celebrate Christmas as we do in North America. Santa was a character they saw in Western movies and television shows. They didn’t exchange gifts or have dinner together on Christmas Day. It’s not a holiday they celebrate, so my grandparents were always working during that time; it was an ordinary day for them.
So when my parents immigrated to Canada, they had no idea Santa was such a big deal. From malls, TV, radio, newspapers, magazines, and parades to bus ads, Santa would always start appearing everywhere in December.
To help us fit in with other families and experience Christmas in a way they never did, my parents bought a tree, put up lights, hung stockings, and prepared a turkey. To this day, we still exchange presents, put on Christmas songs, and eat a lot of good food every year.
When I started school, all the kids in my class would talk about writing letters to Santa with a list of presents they wanted him to bring.
I was always confused whether they actually believed in Santa because I knew he wasn’t giving me presents — my parents were.
Every year, they would ask us what we wanted for Christmas. My mom would wrap them up the night before and put them under the tree. My extended family would also buy us gifts, and my parents made sure we thanked them.
I understood the whole story about how Santa uses magic to travel from the North Pole with the help of eight or nine reindeer to deliver presents to all the kids in the world within one night; however, I knew he was a fictional character like Mickey Mouse or Clifford the Big Red Dog.
Now a mom, I’ve been morally reflecting on the concept of Santa. Here’s why I’m continuing the same practice with my kids.
My kids were neither good nor bad this year.
“He’s making a list.
He’s checking it twice.
He’s gonna find out.
Who’s naughty or nice.”
The story of Santa is tied closely to morality and judgment. Children are judged throughout the year, and their day of reckoning will reveal whether they are rewarded or punished depending on whether they were “good” or “bad.”
To instill values such as compassion, altruism, gratitude, patience, and integrity, kids need to demonstrate selfless concern for people, desire to help others, feel and show empathy for people, and treat all people with kindness, fairness, and justness.
They need to be intrinsically motivated to do these things because they align with the belief that doing good for others helps them gain meaning, purpose, and happiness in life. It’s not because Santa is watching.
Labels such as “naughty” and “nice” promote black and white thinking when the world is more like a million shades of gray. I want my kids to embrace the gray — to understand that regrets and mistakes don’t define who they are and to believe that they’re neither good nor bad, just human.
Lying begets further lying.
I’d be lying if I tell you I don’t lie to my kids. There’s a difference, however, between telling them there’s no chocolate in the house (except for my secret stash) and leaving half-eaten cookies plus an empty milk glass to fabricate evidence of an entire world where a nonexistent person exists.
Once they do find out the truth about Santa, what will I tell them? That I lied to them for their own good? That it was fun for adults to watch them believe in magic? That I wanted them to be on their best behavior for the year?
They may start to undermine everything else that I’ve been telling them, promoting lying, building distrust, and justifying their own lies because of my example.
Toys don’t magically appear.
Toys magically showing up under the tree on Christmas Day is similar to believing that money grows on trees. And if that were true, it’s hard not to become greedy and want more things because they apparently materialize out of thin air.
I want my kids to understand that toys do not come from Santa’s workshop so that it builds a strong foundation of financial literacy. By teaching them where presents actually come from and how much they cost, it helps instill the value of money and what it truly means to give.
I don’t want them to thank Santa.
I want my kids to have the opportunity to fully appreciate that person who took the time, energy, and effort to think of them and buy them a gift that makes them smile.
That way, my kids will be able to practice gratitude for the people who exist in their lives, those who love and care for them and those who are considerate and kind.
And lastly, it's just confusing for everyone involved.
Recently, I was teaching my daughter about the difference between fiction and nonfiction. I decided to ask her, “Is Santa fiction or nonfiction?”
She looked at me and confidently said, “Both. There’s a real man who is acting like him at the mall but like Rubble from Paw Patrol, he’s not really real.”
And that's as gray as it gets.
