When we don't know where else to turn for answers to our deep burning questions or need helpful advice, we head to the internet. It offers a wealth of information and knowledge that can sometimes be great, but other times, it can lead us in the wrong direction. Because, well … don't believe everything you read online.
Social media is notoriously simple for getting a message out to a large group. If you're a creator with that kind of power and reach, you must be careful with what you say. You never know. It might go viral.
If you're active on TikTok and follow pregnant creators, those thinking about pregnancy, or have had a baby, you might be familiar with the phrase "the girl with the list." These five words are wildly popular in the comment section of videos that have anything to do with having a baby. The phrase refers to a crowd-sourced list, "Yuni's Pros and Cons List of Having Children" by @yuniqthoughts, which lists hundreds of pregnancy cons and reasons not to have a baby, along with just a couple dozen pros encouraging someone to get pregnant.
The list is controversial and has become what some think is compelling and eye-opening, whereas others say it is dangerous. As creators come up with their lists and create videos for social media, they are spreading information that may not be true that could cause unwanted fear and anxiety. Others believe it is a powerful tool to empower women's choices and to promote reproductive rights. Arguments for both views are strong.
The original creator of the list went viral then disappeared.
Yuni, the brainchild and original girl with the list, was active on TikTok, often sharing her reasons for not wanting children. It started in February 2022, with a TikTok stitch of a clip of a woman explaining "Why your booty goes flat after giving birth."
Yuni cuts the clip to a screen recording of her phone, opening her notes app, and sharing her list of "Reasons to have a child burst through your vagina." The memo lists 115 cons, such as "Gain a child, lose a tooth" and "Your home will turn into a childcare facility." And just one pro: "No period for 9 months."
Yuni posted consistent content about her thoughts on pregnancy and child-rearing until she disappeared from the platform in August 2022. Her list and subsequent videos started quite a conversation.
Yuni's list began making the rounds.
As her TikTok gained popularity — the original video has 11.5 million likes — comments such as "Where's the girl with the list?" started trending. As mothers bemoaned their pregnancy and birth stories, commenters often sarcastically pointed to Yuni and her list, which could sometimes be interpreted as snark: "If she'd looked at the list, maybe she wouldn't have gotten pregnant."
Others view list videos as great tools that help educate people on what pregnancy is all about.
Content creators started taking notes.
TikTok mom Sarah Biggers-Stewart, known on the platform as @thebiggersthebetter, shared her story of the list with NBC News. Last year, Biggers-Stewart was a new mom of her first child and shared a video on TikTok talking about her struggles. A comment referenced "the list, and she took note.
"I was totally shocked by all the things that could happen to you. And that's even in today's modern world, which is shocking with the amount of research and access that we have at our fingertips," she told NBC News. "There's so many different types of complications, and it can be really brutal on women. So I was like, this is empowering."
Yuni's list isn't arbitrary.
Biggers-Smith, now pregnant with her second child, recently defended Yuni's list in a TikTok of her own, and she shot down what critics call "fear-mongering." She contends that the list is comprised of what she hears "other women, who are actually pregnant, talk about."
She doesn't believe that Yuni created the list out of thin air, nor does she believe it is derogatory. Biggers-Smith thinks women need to see the list because many don't realize what can happen during pregnancy. Her followers understood her point.
"Agreed — the list is a great wake up call for people who think its NBD bc pregnancy is hard, but most list items may never even happen to you," someone wrote.
"Before I was pregnant the worst things I heard about pregnancy were morning sickness and swollen ankles. The list is great," another comment reads.
TikTok isn't always the place for factual content.
Experts warn that although Yuni's list and copycats' lists could be great tools to inform yourself about pregnancy, sometimes they have misinformation. It is always important to discuss pregnancy symptoms with your doctor, particularly if something doesn't feel right.
Dr. Shannon Clark, an obstetrician-gynecologist specializing in high-risk pregnancies, told NBC News that pregnancy can cause some new issues and/or worsen pre-existing conditions. A woman's body completely transforms during pregnancy, and turning to the internet as the top source for those changes isn't always the best idea.
"It's not routine to the average person. We have to respect that and sit down and talk to them about that," Clark said. "Because if we don't, they are going straight to social media. … Hopefully they'll go to an account that does give accurate information, such as mine, but many times they don't and they'll go to an account that doesn't.
"What does that make them think?" she continued. "That you're not doing your job as a provider, which further deepens the divide in the physician-patient relationship when it comes to care."
