Sleepovers were a pretty big part of many of our childhoods. There’s even a whole movie from 2004 called Sleepover that captures some of the zany chaos of a slumber party. But more and more parents these days are choosing not to allow sleepovers for their kids.
The reasoning is pretty simple: While some sleepovers are great, there’s also a chance of serious issues happening while our kids aren’t under our supervision.
Fortunately, TikTok has some great hacks for parents who fall on either side of the slumber party conversation. There’s advice for those who want alternative activities or help explaining their decisions, and there are also tips for creating the safest possible sleepovers for all involved.
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Have a blanket answer.
The trickiest part of deciding not to do sleepovers is trying to explain that to other parents or kids who are hosting one. For TikToker Meredith Steele, she decided just to reject all sleepover invitations across the board. “It’s easier to say no to everybody than to sometimes say yes and sometimes say no,” she said in a video.
Don't worry about hurt feelings.
Many parents may be understanding to those who don’t attend sleepovers, but for those who get offended, TikToker Tara Huck says she can’t care about that. “I don’t care who I insult with my parenting decisions,” she said in a video. Protecting her children is just more important to her than hurt feelings.
Explain it to the kids.
It’s one thing to explain a no sleepovers rule to parents, but children may not understand as much. The TikTok account @parentstogether posted a video suggestion on how to have that conversation. Parents can explain that all families have different rules for things like screen time, snacking, or bedtime. So having different sleepover rules is normal, too.
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Ask the parents tough questions.
For families who do plan to allow sleepovers, TikToker @kanddplus3 recommended asking some tough but important questions beforehand. Questions like whether the other family has guns at home, if their smoke alarms are working, or if they plan to have any other adults over to the home that evening, can help keep everybody safe and make parents feel more at ease sending their children over.
Know how the child might react.
Not every child is best suited for sleepovers. For TikToker @leannp0721, she knew her daughter was shy and was likely to be scared sleeping at someone else’s house. But for TikToker @tiktokcop81, who does allow sleepovers, she felt like her daughter’s confidence was key. She felt she’d be able to express herself if she felt uncomfortable with anything taking place at the party. So parents considering sleepovers should evaluate how they think their own individual kid might handle things.
Get to know the other family.
Meeting the parents who are hosting the sleepover and even visiting their house prior to the event are great steps. Parents can also take things even further to really get to understand the other family’s dynamic. On TikTok, @arc_warrior suggested doing a joint camping trip to get to know everybody over the course of a longer period of time.
Give kids a way to make contact.
TikToker @juls.crawford shared that she didn’t allow her daughter to have sleepovers until she got her a phone. Giving our children a phone or even a smartwatch so they can contact us while at a sleepover is a great way to allow them to communicate about any issues. Maybe it’ll be as simple as they want to be picked up. But if something more serious does happen, we’ll want our kids to have an easy way to get in touch.
Be the sleepover hub.
Another piece of advice from @juls.crawford was to become the sleepover hub. Throwing the majority of the parties ourselves means that we can keep a closer eye on things. Hosting a sleepover can be a lot of work, so the other parents may be more than happy to let someone else take over that responsibility.
Share information.
If we’re the ones hosting the sleepover, we should keep the other parents in the loop to help everybody feel more comfortable. On TikTok, @mrswilliams2019 explained that she always lets the other parents know if they’re going anywhere (like to grab snacks) and she also sends periodic photos and has the child call their parents to check in. This can ease some of the other parents’ anxieties.
Do pickup before bedtime.
One way to still let our children experience a sleepover party is to just let them go and pick them up before it’s actually bedtime. In a TikTok video, @heythereadulting called it a “late over.” Most kids will probably enjoy sleeping in their own bed more anyway, but they’ll still get to participate in some of the pre-bedtime fun.
Return in the morning.
Parents can extend the “late over” by then bringing the kids back for any morning activities. That’s what TikTok mom @leannp0721 did for her daughter when she was invited to a birthday slumber party. And the host family had no issue with the boundary, they just let her know what time would be best to return the following day for any breakfast activities.
Debrief with the kids.
For those who do allow sleepovers, it’s important for parents to check in with their kids afterward. TikToker @shantelmsmith said in a video that parents can gently ask some leading questions. For instance, did the kids play any secret games? Where did the parents sleep? What their least favorite part of the sleepover? Keeping an open dialogue with our kiddos is important when they start to not spend all their time with us.
Try other activities.
In the same video, @parentstogether also suggested that parents work with their children to find other ways for them to have fun with their friends. Sleepovers aren’t the only cool way to hang out. Brainstorming new ideas may take the kids’ minds off the disappointment of not getting to go to the slumber party.
Have a code word.
If a child feels shy or unsafe, they may not feel like they can express themselves over the phone to ask to be picked up in a subtle way. TikToker @Rachandrosie suggested that parents can check in around dinner time and use a code phrase like “Did you eat carrots?” If the child says they did, that means they want to stay and if they say no, they want to be picked up. Find a code word or phrase that works for the family and stick to it.
Be available.
If a child uses their phone and perhaps a code word and they want to come home, we should be around to respond. TikToker @purepower34 said he doesn’t mind being the bad guy if his son asks to come home. “No explanations needed … I call the parents and tell them that my son didn’t do his chores and he needs to come home immediately, and then I go pick him up.”
