While some people believe that “gender disappointment” is normal and valid, it remains relatively taboo. Many believe that parents should be happy to welcome a healthy baby into the world, regardless of the baby’s sex. Still, some parents express preferences and even document their disappointment when they find out the sex of their baby.
One man had always dreamed of having a son, to the point that his wife lied to him about the sex of their baby after she found out what it was. When he discovered they were actually having a girl, he was devastated.
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The man explained why he wanted a son.
On Reddit, the man explained that when he and his wife were expecting their first child, he hoped for a son. The 32-year-old attributed this desire to his “tumultuous” childhood. “Growing up, I always craved a strong male figure in my life. I never had that bond with my father and always envisioned having it with a son,” he explained. He added that his wife knew about this “deep-rooted desire.”
During his wife's initial appointments, he was out of town.
The man did not join his wife at her first appointments when she was pregnant due to “an essential business trip.” Since he didn’t go to these checkups, his wife learned the sex of their baby without him. In his place, his wife’s mom went to the appointments with her.
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His wife told him they were having a boy.
After getting back from his business trip, he was told they would be having a son. “Upon my return, she excitedly told me we were having a boy,” the man wrote. “We invested emotionally and financially: a blue nursery, boy-themed items, even naming him after my late grandfather.”
But he later found out that they were actually having a girl.
One day, his wife’s mom made a comment that revealed the truth: They were actually having a girl. Though the man’s wife knew they were having a girl “from the beginning,” she didn’t tell him, “thinking she was protecting my feelings.”
When the man found out they were having a girl, he felt “devastated.”
“In my pain, I cleared out the nursery and, in a moment I regret, told her mother she wasn’t welcome at upcoming family events, seeing her as part of the deceit,” he explained.
Later, he regretted the way he reacted, but still felt hurt. “I acted out of deep-seated emotions and past traumas,” he wrote. “I love my wife and regret my reactions, but I feel lost.”
He asked Redditors to share their opinions.
Because of his emotional reaction when he found out the truth, he wanted to know if his response seemed out of line to other people. For many of the Redditors who responded, it did.
One person wondered why the man cleared out the nursery. The commenter also thought he seemed to have problematic views on sex and gender. “You’re still having a baby,” the Redditor responded. “That baby will still need all the things in that nursery. Maybe this is a good chance for you to reconsider your attitudes to sex and gender – because, spoiler alert, the baby doesn’t care what colour their clothes and blankets are.”
Although one person could understand why the man felt hurt after his wife lied to him, the commenter thought he “very much did overreact.” The Redditor could also understand why his wife decided to lie about the baby’s sex.
“You talking about this pain and devastation surrounding having a girl is probably the reason she was afraid to tell you,” they wrote. “Because she probably wants to be excited about this child and didn’t want to deal with you acting like it’s something devastating that it’s a girl.”
Your baby can't fix you, some pointed out.
Redditors were also concerned about the burden the man seemed to be placing on his unborn child.
“What if you did have a boy, but he wasn’t as interested in this intense father-son relationship that you are craving?” one person wondered. “Your kids are real people, don’t set them up for failure by having all these weird expectations for how they will better your existing traumas.”
“OUR CHILDREN DO NOT EXIST TO FIX US,” another person responded. One Redditor told the man that he needs therapy because “children aren’t emotional support animals.”
Another Redditor believes that “people with a strong gender preference just shouldn’t have kids” because when you have a child, “you get to find out who they are.” The child might be queer or trans, the Redditor pointed out, or might not be able to live up to their parents’ “utterly unrealistic expectations.”
“It’s literally the cruelest thing imaginable to then be disappointed that this stranger isn’t who you dreamed up inside your head,” the Redditor commented.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
