If you've been in a committed relationship, you know there is give and take. You add kids to the mix, and things can get complicated. Sure, when it's just the two of you, you may have more time to do favors and to help each other out, but when you have children to take care of, each adult has to take responsibility for themselves. That's just how it works.
But what if your partner is a bit more demanding of your time and doesn't understand there is such a thing as being spread too thin? One woman recently turned to Reddit's AITA forum to report her husband's terribly childish behavior. He wanted a favor, but she couldn't make it happen, so he decided to "teach her a lesson." Now she's feeling all kinds of things and wants to know if she overreacted.
She is a stay-at-home mom.
The original poster is a stay-at-home mom of three, and her husband is a pilot. It appears that they have designated responsibilities. He works, and she does just about everything else. He was recently headed to a flight and needed his shirt ironed. Her husband asked OP to do it as a favor and walked away before he got a response.
"I didn't say 'yes' because I was busy (laundry then kids homework then cooking etc..). I said I may not find the time to to do it. He turned around and walked away completely ignoring what I was saying," she explained.
Her husband lost his mind.
OP never got the shirt ironed, she never said she would, and he flipped out.
"An hour later, he came downstairs freaking out asking why I didn't iron his uniform when he asked me to. I told him I was busy and reminded him of how I didn't say yes to his request," she wrote.
"He blew up saying that I obviously don't care about him disaplaying 'professionalism' at work (um.. it's just a [uniform]? It's not like it was dirty just needed some ironing). He lectured me about how his work is important and although I'm a sahm I still should make his job a priority," she explained.
Oh, but it gets worse.
He decided to teach OP a lesson.
In the most misogynistic display of fragile male ego, OP shared that her husband said he was going to "teach me a lesson" by skipping his shift. Um, OK. He wanted OP to understand that it would directly affect the family finances because she decided not to do her job.
"I called him insane for missing the shift, and he got offended and called me a hypocrite for calling him insane and acting all surprised when it was me who caused this situation to happen," she continued in her post.
Now she's wondering if she's in the wrong.
OP admitted that she could have ironed the shirt and avoided the whole argument. But is that really the point? Should she have to drop everything to cater to his every need, or could he have just ironed the damn uniform himself? Who is in the wrong?
It's not surprise that Redditors came after OP's husband hot.
As if you couldn't see this coming, Redditors hate OP's husband. They have thoughts, and they have words. They called him everything from "misogynistic" to an "entitled a–hole."
In other words, they weren't having it.
"He threw a temper tantrum like a toddler just because you didn't iron his shirt. What is preventing him from ironing it himself?" one person asked. "You were busy and didn't give him a yes, yet he still expects you to change caring for your kids over being an adult and doing his damn laundry? You are not in the wrong for calling him insane for acting like a child. And why does he take priority over your children?"
Someone else reminded OP that just because she works full time for the household doesn't make her a maid.
"NTA by far. You are a SAHM, not a servant. You were doing your job and you were busy. What he did was manipulative and selfish, not to mention just plain lazy because he could have easily done it himself," the person commented.
Commenters provided plenty of jokes.
The situation isn't funny, but Redditors couldn't help but poke at OP's husband.
"Wtf ironing his shirt when ya'll get divorced," one person asked.
"But does the Iron come with a pre start up checklist? If it doesn't its not really pilot friendly," someone else chimed in.
And then there were the questions about why he couldn't do this himself.
"INFO: Is he piloting with his tongue because his arms are broken? Obviously NTA. You are a sahm not a slave or maid. Just because he's the breadwinner doesn't mean he can't do any domestic chores," one person commented "If he saw that you were busy he easily could've taken 5 minutes out of his day to iron it. You should take the kids to your parents or a friends and take time off to 'teach him a lesson.'"
Seriously, who wants to be on this guy's flight?
"Attention passengers of Flight 123XYZ, unfortunately your flight has been cancelled because your pilot — while perfectly capable of operating a highly complex 450 ton machine — was not able to iron his work shirt, and therefore had to stay home to sulk. Our sincere apologies for the inconvenience," another person commented.
Redditors want OP to get out of this toxic situation fast.
People don't want OP to stay with her husband. He is not a kind, respectful, or loving partner. They say he is anything but.
"Holy s—. Run like HELL, OP! This is a disaster waiting to happen!" someone advised. "Your husband is a manipulative narcissist! He's gonna get reprimanded or even fired and will blame you for it?! NTA. Get rid of him. He'll start to become more and more controlling as time progresses."
The situation is scary, not just for OP, but also for their kids.
"I can't believe I had to scroll down AT ALL to find someone pointing out that this is abusive AF. I'd divorce his dumb ass so fast I'd be gone before the ink was dry on the paper," another comment read.
Someone else warned that this could be a precursor to other behaviors.
"Also this is possibly the beginning of abusive behavior. He's doing something to himself and blaming you for it. It's unreasonable and I'd be careful — maybe he's in trouble at work and this is a set up for him to blame you when things go sideways there," the person theorized. "That's a stretch based on this one story but abuse starts small and is hard to identify at first, so just keep your eyes open and your head held high."
Another person pointed out that he is clearly confused about his role in OP's life.
"He's your husband, not your parent. 'Teaching you a lesson' sounds like emotional/ financial abuse. Definitely nta," the person commented.
No, OP, you shouldn't have ironed that shirt.
Your husband is your partner, not your boss. He may be the breadwinner, but that does not mean he can belittle and demean you.
The only lesson you need to learn is standing up for yourself. If he can't appreciate you for all you do and respect you as a partner and the mother of his children, let someone else iron his uniforms.
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