There is a common misconception that stay-at-home parents are on some kind of permanent vacation. The assumption is often that just because they aren't clocking in somewhere, it means they don't have a full-time job. That couldn't be further from the truth. Taking care of kids can be downright exhausting, and sometimes you need a break. Having a partner who is in a true partnership and recognizes that is a big deal.
One woman posted in Reddit's AITA forum to talk about her husband and his lack of support. She's home all day taking care of their toddler and fixing up their house on the weekends.
The original poster, aka OP, wants her husband to help her and to do a few things around the house. Instead, he chooses to sleep instead of pulling his weight, and she is over it. She threatened to bring their daughter to his office and drop her off in the middle of the day if he didn't start helping her. A huge argument ensued, and now she's feeling a bit regretful.
OP is drowning in responsibilities.
OP and her husband, both 42, share a daughter. She stays home and does it all. Everything from planning meals to cleaning to chopping wood falls at her feet. She and her husband also bought a fixer-upper, and she spends her weekends working on that while her husband goes out with the little one. He takes their daughter on those days to get out of his wife's hair, but she is the one in charge the rest of the time, and she's exhausted.
"It's my husband's job to do dishes and wipe down the counters each night. Once a week he takes out the garbage, cleans the litter boxes and takes everything to the curb. He does the litter boxes about once a week otherwise. He also makes dinner about twice a week," she explained.
Her husband isn't living up to his end of the bargain.
OP's husband has gotten into the habit of sleeping after dinner and napping until midnight or until she gets him up. She is fed up because they aren't spending any time together, and unless she wakes him, he doesn't get anything done around the house. She is over doing his share of the work and keeping track of him. She's tried talking to him, but that only results in a temporary change, and then it all goes back to normal.
"A few days ago I came out to go to the bathroom at 2am and realized he was sleeping on the couch, nothing had been done. I lost it and screamed at him that if he didn't quit falling asleep after dinner, I was going to drop our toddler off at his job in the middle of the day. He got really angry and then did his chores. We have avoided each other since then," she wrote.
Now she wonders if she should have just let it go.
There are a lot of differing opinions on Reddit.
First, some people think that OP was in the wrong. She is a SAHM, and her full-time job is the house. "Its quite literally your job to take care of the household. You should just be better instead of waking up your husband at what, 2am? You sound lovely to be around," one person wrote.
"YTA. If you don't want to take care of your child because it's too stressful, tell your husband to switch places with you. He can be a stay at home parent, and you can be the one that goes to work," someone else wrote. "Your threat of dropping your child off at his work makes it sound like you think you're doing him a favor by watching the child while he's at work, and you're not doing any favors. You're a SAHM, watching the kid IS your job (literally)."
Others think that OP's husband is the jerk. "NTA. He is disrespecting you for his own 'comfort.' He isn't a partner, he isn't a father … he is barely a thing. Please (re)consider this relationship," one person wrote.
"NTA, this guy is falling asleep after only 40/45 hours of work a week? Those are not crazy hours," another person commented. "He's not pulling his weight with the family, he doesn't just get to go to work and come home and that's when his whole job ends."
Plenty of people feel like the whole situation is a nightmare.
There is a decently sized camp of people who didn't side with either of them and think that OP and her husband are both jerks.
"[Everyone sucks here.] He needs to learn to manage his exhaustion at the end of the day," someone wrote. "You shouldn't have resorted to an empty threat to get him to get it together."
"ESH. I get that being a SAHM is draining but threatening to mess with someone's career is never the answer," another comment reads. "I'm an attorney and if my spouse decided to drop my kid off in the middle of a trial I'd literally get kicked out of the trial and possibly be fired and my client's case would suffer."
OP, Redditors think you both need to start acting like adults and talk this out.
Being a bully isn't going to get you anywhere. Instead, you need to take a deep breath and talk to your husband like an adult. You might get somewhere if you can express your needs and frustrations.
"Sit down with him and try to have a rational conversation. That's going to be way more effective than making threats," someone suggested.
Good luck!
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