Weddings, for all of their beauty and love, require a lot of work. Some brides choose to outsource, hiring a professional to do the heavy lifting. Others choose to save some money, not to be a burden, and take on many of the tasks themselves. But there’s a third category: the brides who choose to exploit the loyalty of family and friends to get them to prepare, plan, and execute the tiny details and major moments in their special day.
One woman wrote in to Reddit’s Am I the A–hole? forum to ask if she was too harsh with her friend who seemed to be taking advantage of her.
A young woman assumed she’d be in her friend’s wedding.
The 24-year-old woman wrote that she and her friend May, also 24, have been friends for over a decade, since middle school. “We’ve talked about being in each others weddings,” she wrote. “So when she got engaged last year, I assumed I’d be a bridesmaid.” But that wasn’t the case.
Unfortunately, May didn’t have the courage to tell the OP that outright. Instead, she just asked for her assistance with wedding planning. When the OP ultimately saw the list of people in May’s bridal party, her name wasn’t on it.
The OP tried to move past it.
Unlike May, the OP decided to be direct. “I asked why, and she got awkward and said she had to make some choices,” she explained in her post. “The party included her sister, her fiancés sister, and a few newer friends she’s known for a couple of years. She wanted a small party.”
The OP didn’t want to make a big deal about her exclusion, but things came to a head when May’s requests for help kept getting bigger.
‘I feel weird doing all of this when I’m not a bridesmaid,’ the OP told the bride.
“She started asking me for a lot of help,” the OP wrote, “things like dress shopping, DIY decorations, venue hunting, making party favors, etc etc..” Eventually, the OP put her foot down. “I finally told her, “Hey, I love you, but I feel weird doing all of this when I’m not even a bridesmaid.”
May didn’t take it well. She got angry and told the OP that she thought she still wanted to be involved because they’re “best friends.”
The OP told her that she would attend the wedding but she was done doing all of this extra work if she wasn’t a close enough friend to be included in the bridal party.
Some claim the OP is being ‘petty.’
Now, May and some of their mutual friends are giving the OP the cold shoulder. Her friends claim that the OP is being “petty” and making the wedding about her feelings.
The OP says she’s not going to do bridesmaid-level work if she’s not one. Still, she wanted to know if she were the a–hole in this situation and asked Redditors for their opinions. The community had a lot to say and was solidly on the OP’s side.
Redditors agreed the bride was using her.
“She wants free labor from you,” one person wrote. “That she got angry when you stood up for yourselves speaks volumes. Good on you for not letting her use you.”
Another person commented on the level of friendship the two women share. “OP, you might think she’s your best friend, but she definitely doesn’t think you’re her best friend.”
Others questioned the bridesmaids May did choose. “If she chose people she can’t count on, that’s her problem,” one commenter shared. “Those who think you’re being petty are free to offer their own assistance.”
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