As parents, all we want is for our kids to grow up with happy memories and to be comfortable with who they are. Our job is to guide our kids, support them, and love them unconditionally. Having their backs during the hard times and cheering them on during the good ones. All kids deserve to feel that love and support, not only from their parents but their extended family too.
One mom took to the Reddit community to ask for some insight on a conversation she had with her teenage daughter. The conversation centered on the teen's grandparents, the mom's fears of being accepted, and the importance of being who you authentically are.
A mom (OP) shared her story in Reddit's AITA community and asked for insight.
OP started her post by saying that she's a 36-year-old mom with a 16-year-old daughter. Three months prior to the Reddit post, OP says her teen daughter sat her and her father down to let them both know that she's gay.
"We've always had an idea as she's never been interested in boys, so obviously have been incredibly supportive," the mom said.
OP says that she and the teen's father celebrated her coming out.
"We baked her a rainbow cake the next day," OP said, touching on the tradition of rainbows being associated with the LGBTQA+ community and using the cake as a way of honoring who the teen is and celebrating her.
OP says they also watched documentaries on PRIDE, which sounds like a whole lot of acceptance going on in the family — which is great. Studies have shown that rates of depression and suicide among the LGBTQA+ communities are lower when family acceptance is given. It's wonderful that these parents were doing what they could to show their teen daughter they love and accept her.
But then the world health crisis came, and OP told her 70-year-old parents to move in.
"My parents aren't the most accepting of people, they're the [typical] old white religious heterosexual couple, and I don't want them being like that to my daughter," OP said.
"My daughter asked if she could come out to them and I said no, but the longer they've been here the more she's wanted to," OP added, saying that she knows "for a solid fact" that her parents won't accept the news if her daughter tells them she's gay.
"I don't want to have to choose between my daughter and my elderly parents because it'll be my daughter every time."
OP told her teen daughter she can't come out to her grandparents. Ever.
OP said to her teen daughter that she can't tell her grandparents who she really is. Not only that, but she can't tell anyone else in the family either "in case it gets back to them." Oh, and no posting on social media "until they die."
I told them she shouldn't come out on social media or to the rest of the family until they die in case it gets back to them which has devastated her."
Basically, she accepts her teen but wants her to be quiet about who she is.
OP asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong, and commenters came through with some advice.
"YTA," one person chimed in. "You said you don't want to choose because you'd choose your daughter, but you're not. You're choosing your parents."
Another said that even though OP baked a cake and watched documentaries, her other actions say she's not fully accepting her daughter, adding this:
"Also, we demanded she remain in the closet, including on all social media, for potentially decades until grandparents die, at which point we can pretend we always supported her even though we really chose the grandparent's bigot based emotional comfort over the well-being of our daughter. But you baked her a cake!"
Someone else added that OP sounds like she's choosing her own comfort over anything. "It's too hard for them to deal and are lying to their daughter, and to themselves, about the reason. They are saying they don't want their daughter hurt, but the truth is they don't want to be uncomfortable."
"She wants to be open and staying in the closet takes a massive toll on her mental health," another of the hundreds of comments read. "The fact that you aren’t willing to defend and stand up for your daughter and who she is as a person speaks volumes. Support your kid."
That last line says it all, doesn’t it? "Support your kid."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
