Couples who have been married a long time know that things can sometimes get a little monotonous, especially in the bedroom. When you’re in a long-term partnership, sometimes intimacy has to take a back seat. For many couples, there’s often a lull during the years when young children are at home. After they’re grown and out of the house, parents can find time to reconnect emotionally and physically.
Some married couples use this time to branch out sexually, finding new ways to bring pleasure into their relationship. One way people amp up their sex lives? Swinging. If you’re not familiar with the term (although who isn’t, now that The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives has made it such a popular topic), it’s the consensual practice of exchanging partners for sexual activities, often at parties or events set up for this kind of intimacy.
The idea is alluring to a lot of couples, but many don’t know where to start. A recent reddit thread had swingers opening up about how they got into swinging.
Starting Swinging Later in Life After a Long Monogamous Marriage?
byu/PunkRockRenegade_ inSwingers
The thread kicked off with a woman posting about her own relationship and a desire to start swinging with her husband.
Starting Swinging Later in Life After a Long Monogamous Marriage?
My husband and I have been married for over 20 years, always monogamous. It’s only now, after the kids are older that we’re finally in a position to explore opening things up fully. This has been a topic of discussion throughout our relationship, but we’ve not been able to participate due to childcare issues, the only things we’ve done is me kissing a women on a night and sharing the video with him and we’ve been on a few online forums and shared pics/videos. That’s it.
I’d really appreciate advice from anyone who’s opened their marriage after decades. How did you start? What surprised you? What would you absolutely not do again?
A few things I’m specifically wondering:
Any tips for not feeling like the new kid or standing out as inexperienced? We haven’t socialised much as a couple in recent years, so we’ve picked up a bit of social rust… any advice to overcome social awkwardness? We have considered joining a munch to brush up on our social skills (good idea?)
Am I too old/frumpy for this scene? I’m 43, I’ve lost and regained weight a few times with kids and life in general, and I’ve got loose skin and boobs that are… “experienced.” I’m trying not to let insecurities lead the way, but I’d love to hear from others who started swinging without looking like they were sculpted from marble. My husband is also 43 but has aged like fine wine.
Disabilities: I’m disabled, not obviously but I have limited mobility that requires some extra care when being physical and I use a walking stick. Is that a barrier to swinging?
Thanks in advance for any advice. I’m already envisioning myself hiding in a corner clutching my drink and wanting the ground to swallow me for daring to show my face.
Commenters were quick to jump in with advice.
One person wrote, “Most people who start ‘after 20 years’ are starting 5-15 years older than you are. You will be fine. You’ll soon find everyone is disabled, has scars, has issues, it doesn’t hold anyone back unless they let it. Welcome to the party!”
Hotwifesgatekeeper shared five tips for new swingers:
Late 40s after 20 years here
- Skip the online stuff and find a club.
- Go at the slower partners pace.
- The single male market is full but full of duds most times.
- Learn to be comfortable communicating and flirting in front of each other before crossing into the physical.
- We have a 24 hour cooling down and decompressing rule post play date before serious discussion. Process your own emotions first.
Another commenter also was supportive. “Just jump on in. It is quite a normal dynamic in the scene, go to a club with no expectations. Just check it out,” the person wrote. “Experienced people can spot newbies a mile away, but don’t worry. Everyone is super friendly, they will all share advice, and tips. We were exactly the same when we started out.”
Everyone was incredibly supportive.
A user going by bosphorus_bridge wrote, “As someone who has hosted naturist and open-minded couples for years… Starting later in life isn’t a disadvantage — confidence and connection matter far more than age or ‘experience.’ You’re not too old or too inexperienced; you’re just in a new chapter. And the right communities care about comfort, communication, and energy — not perfection. At events, don’t try to be the most experienced person… just the most authentic one.”
“We just started,” shared ArtofPassion8. “50 and 51 been together for 30 years. All those feeling normal. We went to an LS club on a Friday and Saturday night. We are so glad we went two nights in a row. It allowed us to get a better understanding of the scene and to open up our communication even more to set more clear boundaries. Swinging means a lot of things to everyone. The best part is this group of people are pretty dam cool, and all in love. Go slow, be honest with your journey and know what you want. Cheers to new beginnings.”
The swinging community is very welcoming.
Overall, everyone was incredibly excited for this woman and her husband — they offered support and advice for starting the swinging journey and made sure to boost her confidence in the process.
Swinging isn’t for everyone, but it can be a fun and safe way for monogamous partners to spice up their sex lives.
