5 Funny Fake Recipes Will Keep You Hungry but Laughing

We find a lot of scrumptious recipes for our Recipe a Day guide here on The Stir — cupcakes, cookies, pies, cupcakes, cupcakes, cupcakes … You get the picture. There's lots of deliciousness happening.

But there are certain recipes that we pass by. Recipes that are not so delicious. Recipes that maybe don't work, or that don't actually exist in this dimension. We feel badly about ignoring these funny, inedible recipes, so we've pulled them all together in one post. Let's call this the Island of Misfit Recipes. For example, have you ever wondered how you really make ice cubes? Read on!

Ice Cubes

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Kyle May/Flickr

From Food.com, here's the definitive recipe for making ice cubes. Now you know! Please, you must read the comments because they are the best part of the recipe.

How to Boil Water

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indi.ca/Flickr

You've mastered frozen water. But can you handle boiling water? I don't know, sounds kind of complicated …

English Peas

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Haprog_/Flickr

Leave it to Paula Deen to help you figure out how to make English peas. You know, open the can, dump them out, and put butter on them? All this time I thought you were supposed to just chew right through the can.

Elephant Stew

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sarahemcc/Flickr

Try some Elephant stew — with "optional" rabbit thrown in for garnish, I guess. Serves thousands, although after the two months it would take you to cut the elephant into bite-sized pieces, I'm not sure it would be edible.

Power Smoothie

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Connoiseur 4 The Cure/Flickr

I love all of the recipes on this page (OMG, toddler meal sounds all too familiar …), but the power smoothie wins:

1 banana, 1 cup frozen strawberries, 1 cup frozen blueberries, 2 teaspoons flax seeds, 1 cup plain yogurt, 1 tablespoon wheat germ, 30 milligrams cocaine. Do cocaine. Fuck this smoothie, let’s go! Come on, I want to get the Beemer waxed before we hit the lake!