Hey everyone, science is here to answer all of our most pressing questions — like how do we cure breast cancer once as for all?!? Oh wait, they'll get to that soon. But first, something "almost" as important: WHAT is a normal penis size? Men have waited too long, too hard, to find out. But now we know!
In a study called "Am I Normal?" published in a journal called BJU International (which probably does not stand for Blow Job University, but thanks for asking) doctors measured men's digits both flaccid and erect to find out what the average size is. Are you curious?
How much do you care about penis size?
Image via ollyy/Shutterstock
Average Penis Size
Flaccid Penis: 3.6 inches long and 3.7 inches around
Erect Penis: 5.16 inches long and 4.6 inches around
More from The Stir: Women Should Stop Pretending Size Doesn't Matter
Good news for the anxious: Only 2.28 percent of men are considered "abnormally small." And about the same percentage of men are abnormally OMG IS THAT FOR REAL well hung. Almost all men are large enough for all practical purposes, truly. We promise. (Although it is kind of thrilling when you come across a huge one.)
iPhone 6
The new iPhone 6 is 5.5 inches long, so it's a wee bit bigger than the average penis. But you have to share it with Siri. That two-timer! And it doesn't even work properly half the time.
House Mouse
A house mouse can be 5 inches from nose to tail — or even longer! But tell me, what would you rather see around that house? Eeek!
Candy Bar
A typical candy bar, like a Snickers, is only 4 inches long. Oh, but what about the chocolate? And the gooey caramel? Yum!
Sunglasses
The average pair of sunglasses is 5.5 inches long, also a tad bigger than the average package. But come on, what's sexier?
Banana
The average banana is close to 4.5 inches around, but a couple of inches longer than a penis. Which do you find more a-peeling?
Remote Control
Many remote controls are close to 5 inches long. Some find them hopelessly complicated and too confusing to operate properly. Men will keep a remote in their hands the entire time they watch TV, refusing to let their female companions touch it — which is ironic, considering …
Can of Soda
A can of soda is 5 inches of tall and what's inside is bubbly and sweet. Can you say the same thing about your guy?
Chili Peppers
Some varieties of chili pepper grow to about 5 inches long — and they will spice up your night. Hot!
Vagina
The average length of an aroused vagina is 4.25 to 4.75 inches. So the average penis is more than adequate for the job! By the way: What you DO with that thing is way more important to us than how big it is. So worry less about your size and focus more on your moves, dudes.
