When you are falling in love, it can be all too easy to see only the best in your partner, especially if everyone is acting on their best behavior. However, those of us who've been partnered or married for awhile know the true tests of a relationship usually come after the "honeymoon period" is over. Can your relationship survive these 10 revealing tests?
From the first vacation to uncovering all the secrets of his browser history, read on for some surprising ways to find out if your partner is the right one for you.
What's one of the most challenging tests your relationship has survived?
Image via iStock.com/skynesher
The First Gift
On their first Christmas together, my friend Mandy gave her then-boyfriend a plane ticket to Spain so they could travel together. He gave her a lava lamp.
They didn't last long.
It isn't that Mandy spent so much more money as much as it was that they were on different pages when it came to gifts and, as it turns out, their relationship. She was totally invested, he was keeping it casual. The gifts just reflected that they were not in-sync.
Bad Service
This isn't new advice but it bears repeating: People who are jerks to restaurant servers, retail workers, or other people trying to help you are just jerks, period. Have you seen your sweetheart handle a customer service nightmare yet?
Travel Together
Vacations aren't all sunscreen, drinks on the beach, and crazy hotel sex! They are lost bags, cancelled flights, jet lag, and unfamilar food.
Your first joint vacation can be a great way to find out how well your partner rolls with the punches, handles the unexpected and deals with frustration. It can also tell you a bit more about their temperament and how it matches yours. Are you both beach bums or does your idea of relaxation involve climbing a mountain while his involves room service? A lifetime is a long time to travel coach with someone who only wants first class.
His Idiot Friend
I'll let my friend Jessica explain this one:
"Like a lot of guys, my husband has this idiot friend who is permanently stuck in the college lifestyle. While my husband is an actual grownup with a job and a kid on the way, Dino is still partying every weekend, playing video games all night, and spending all his time trying to act like I'm some old ball and chain.
The good news is that my husband recognizes that Dino is a stunted man child and doesn't act like he still wishes that he was still in college too. That would have been a total deal breaker."
The Couple Diet
Sometimes a relationship can be going so well that both people put on "happy fat" from nights of delicious dinners and weekend brunch dates. My friend Emily shares that she and her ex both noticed that they had put on some weight and decided to go on a diet together. It did not go well:
"At first, we were both really encouraging of each other, but then he was losing weight and I wasn't and things got weird. He started totally policing my food choices and posting little motivational quotes on my mirror. It was awkward and I realized I couldn't be myself around him anymore, or at least not eat like myself any more. We broke up and THEN I lost the five pounds. HA!"
The Browser History Test
Okay, I recognize that not everyone will agree with me on this, but I think a little snooping early in a relationship can be a good idea. A quick peek at his browser history can tell you A LOT about who he is when nobody is looking. Does his internet activity match with the interests he's told you about? Are you comfortable with the level of adult sites you see (because, real talk, there is probably some)? If you find clown adult films, is that a deal breaker?
To be fair, you can't flip out if he checks yours and discovers the depth of your celebrity gossip addiction!
In Sickness & in Health
My husband and I had only been dating a few months when a bad salad sent me flying into the bathroom of my tiny studio apartment. I was keenly aware of the fact that he could hear every sound and would likely have died from embarrassment if I hadn't been so busy worrying that I was going to die of pooping to death.
I knew my husband was a keeper when he went to the store to get me ginger ale and crackers and then stayed with me all night, holding the bucket while I barfed. That is love.
I wouldn't have blamed him for not wanting to spend the night in a 350 square foot palace of bodily fluids, but the fact that he did really sealed the deal.
Adventures in Babysitting
Most people agree that you should talk about whether or not you want kids before you get too serious, but my friend Melissa argues that you should take it one step further — babysitting.
"I was watching my adorable 1-year old nephew when Tim came over. At first he acted like he though the baby was cute, but then I noticed that he grimaced every time the baby drooled and he got super stressed out and short tempered when my nephew was fussy before his nap. He then noted that he thought of diapers as a 'mom job.' Uh, no. I realized I didn't want to be with someone who wasn't comfortable around kids."
Adios, Tim.
The Money Talk
As a financial literacy teacher and coach, I am a firm believer in having the money talk early in a relationship. I made my now-husband show me his credit report (and I showed him mine) about a month into our relationship. We were getting serious very quickly, and I figured that if I was going to let him see me naked, I should let him know about the credit card years of 1998-2004 when I racked up and then paid off massive debt.
If he isn't willing to talk money, that is a total red flag.
When You Blow It
We all make mistakes, so a good final test is to see how he handles it when you screw up. Does he yell and scream? Can he talk about his feelings? Does he forgive and forget or hold grudges. Life is way too short for someone who can't treat you with grace when you've made a mess of something.
