Women Reveal the Deal Breakers That Drove Them to End Best Friendships

When they are good, our female friendships can be a source of support, sanity, and love. But sometimes friendships can sour, either from neglect or from plain old bad behavior. Though it's sad to see these friendships dissolve, sometimes ending a friendship can be the best thing for us. What's a woman to do when a friend starts to treat her poorly? We found real stories from women who had to make a difficult call: to be (friends) or not to be (friends).

Ending a friendship is painful. Almost as painful as a romantic relationship, but platonic friendships are a beast of their own. These woman can be family to us in times of need or the shoulder we cry on when we feel defeated. But sometimes we have to admit that friendships fade and the support runs dry. And when that happens, we may have no other choice but to end things. 

And that's a lot easier said than done, obviously.

Here are some real reasons why some formerly great real-life friendships ended. No matter who was "at fault," these friendship breakups were hard and sad, and we thank these women for sharing. Take a look and see how these women knew it was time to say enough is enough.

The Ghost

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"I was friends with 'Laura' for over 15 years. We met when we were young and single, and then, we both got married and had kids. We went from talking every day to talking once a week, and then suddenly, I realized that we hadn't talked in six months, and I had no idea why. I called and texted her but she never responded. I still wonder if I did something wrong, but I've racked my brain and can't think of anything. It is like she just disappeared! I just finally deleted her contact info from my phone since it has been over a year since we last talked, but it still hurts." — Janna K., Boise, Idaho

The Perfect Mommy

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"She repeatedly acted like a sanctimommy. No one has time to listen to a sanctimommy on every subject. I was too busy parenting my children! I lost a friend … that had one heck of an opinion on EVERYTHING. Breastfeeding, type of diapers, tummy time, car seats, baby-wearing, potty-training, you name it: She knew it all! I was busy parenting my three boys and just gave up trying." — Allison A., Hershey, Pennsylvania

The Drama Queen

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"When my self-involved bestie showed up to my wedding boasting about her awful relationship and then had sex with the jerk in the bathroom during the reception, I knew she was never going to change. I ended our friendship shortly thereafter." — Susan R., Bloomington, Indiana

The "R" Word

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"My best friend, who knew my darling son has Asperger's and an IEP, would use terms such as 'retard.' The final straw was when her own son was experiencing developmental delays. I thought I had a heart-to-heart conversation with her about how to help her son through an IEP, etc. She responded that she would never have her child associate with kids like that and how 'those kids' could be a negative influence on her child. So, I removed the negative influence. Now, I just send a Christmas card (of my awesome son who also happens to be on the dean's list at his college!)." — Kelly C., Fort Worth, Texas

Love Is Love, Right?

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"I lost a really good friend when the whole gay marriage debate was going on. She is very religious, which I knew since we worked together for years. I just couldn't get her to see where I was coming from in the fact that I, as a lesbian, should have rights to marry who I choose. It turned kind of ugly, and I just decided I didn't need her in my life. So I unfriended her and haven't talked or seen her since. At first I was a little bummed to lose a friend, but I realized it was better that way." — Kim N., Edina, Minnesota

Good-Bye Gossip

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"I had an adult friend who loved the drama. Loved to stir up trouble between people with gossip and then put herself in the middle of the conflicts she created so that she could play both sides. It was pretty gross how she'd be a shoulder to cry on for one side, then go to the other side and tell them everything that was told to her in confidence. Ew. Ain't no one got time for that." — Megan M., Saint Paul, Minnesota

The Sad Salad

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"This sounds crazy, but we broke up over a salad. When I was pregnant with my son, I had TERRIBLE morning sickness the whole time. I actually lost 15 pounds over the course of the pregnancy. Once he was born, it went away and that plus the breastfeeding meant that I was starving all the time. My ex-friend volunteered to bring me lunch the first day my husband went back to work. I told her I was craving a milkshake and a big hamburger. She showed up with a small salad and fat-free dressing and said, 'Nursing is no excuse to eat like a pig! You finally lost some weight, let's keep it off!' I wanted to punch her in the face. She was always weird about food and weight stuff, but that was the final straw." — Jessica S., Tucson, Arizona

The Cheater

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"She slept with my husband and lied to me about it for months. Then, when I found out the truth and confronted her, she said some of the most horrible things one can say to someone and attacked me and my character. Yup. That pretty much did it." — Sarah T., Saint Paul, Minnesota

Stood Up

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"She missed my baby shower and didn't even call. Later, she said it because she said she was sick. And then she posed pictures of herself at a pool party, drinking it up on the same day. If you don't want to go to the shower, fine! Just don't lie to me (AGAIN) and stand me up." — Kristen B., Los Angeles, California

Bad Mom

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"One of my closest friends from childhood is a terrible mom. Not just a 'does it differently than me' mom, but an actual abusive, neglectful mom. She ditches the kids to hook up with random guys, she's constantly moving from one place to another because she can't keep a job, the kids have no books and barely any toys, and if I give her money to help, she spends it on her nails instead of them. Last month, I called child services on her, and now, we don't talk anymore. I'm heartbroken for her kids, but I can't keep her in my life." — Tina J., Silver City, New Mexico

The 'Selfie'-ish Diva

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"My ex-friend is the queen of the universe. At least in her own world she is. I got so tired of the constant selfies (how many photos of yourself do you really need to put online?) and the one-sidedness of our friendship that I ended it. She wore me out constantly talking about herself and her life." — Kim J., Provo, Utah

Job Thief

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"I lost a best friend of several years after she got me all revved up for a job opportunity, endorsed me for the job, listened to me prep for my interview, and then went after the job herself behind my back. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. What was most sad was had she just come to me and said, 'Listen, I know I told you about this job, but I can't stop thinking about it, and I really want to apply for it too,' I like to think I would have understood, maybe been disappointed, but really, how can you deny someone coming to you with truth?" — Jessica J., Highland Park, Minnesota

Care for My Kid

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"My former BFF and I met when our girls were in pre-K. They were friends and we became friends too. We've been tight ever since, but when the girls hit third grade, her daughter started to bully mine. Hair pulling, teasing, not letting her play — all stuff that I told my friend was happening. She just said it was a phase and that we needed to let the girls sort it out. Easy for her to say as it wasn't her girl crying herself to sleep at night! I just lost a lot of respect for her." — Amber K., Las Vegas, Nevada

Not Just Flirting

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"She always joked around about how she thought my husband was 'so cute.' And then one night she got drunk and sent him a picture of her naked boobs. No ma'am. Deal breaker!" — Name withheld

Gun Control

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"We've always had political differences but we are so far apart on the gun thing right now and I don't think I can respect someone who thinks that the president is trying to 'steal our guns.' Children are DYING. Hell yeah, I wish Obama was taking away guns, but he isn't and so she and I can't really hang out without fighting these days." — Becca M., Saint Paul, Minnesota

Money Matters

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"My friend and I grew up together in the same working class neighborhood and went to the same high school and community college. I now live a few blocks away from where we grew up and have a basic middle class type life, I guess. But she married someone who makes a lot of money and now lives in a 'better' part of town. We don't really hang out anymore because I feel like I can't keep up with her lifestyle. I can't afford the things she can afford or shop at the places she shops. I'm not jealous, but it is kind of hard hanging with someone who makes you feel poor." — Lisa V., Fresno, California

Long Distance

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"Distance did us in. I always thought we'd be friends forever but then she moved 2000 miles away and it isn't the same trying to keep up via video chat and phone calls. We just aren't in each other's daily lives anymore and it has taken a toll." — Jamie D., Vail, Arizona

Infertility

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"I am ashamed to say it, but I can't be close to my childhood best friend right now. I've been struggling to get pregnant for years now and she just announced her third baby in six years. I'm jealous and sad and a terrible friend right now." — Name withheld 

Growing Apart

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"We used to be close but we've both changed as we've gotten older. It isn't anything dramatic; we are just drifting, and now getting together seems like something we do out of obligation or habit than out of fun. It is sad but a thing that happens, I think." — Nancy S., Des Moines, Iowa

Absent Friend

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"My husband died suddenly. He actually committed suicide, which rocked me to my core. I was suddenly a single mom to a 3-year-old and although a lot of folks rallied around me, one of my closest friends didn't come to his funeral and didn't call me for months afterward. She eventually called and said that she was just 'uncomfortable' with the fact that he killed himself and so didn't know how to be around me. Honestly, what a bitch. You know what is 'uncomfortable'? Telling your 3-year-old that Daddy is dead. THAT is uncomfortable, you cow. Sorry, I guess I am still pretty mad." — Name withheld

Taking Sides

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"We thought is was cute when our teenagers started dating each other. We didn't realize that when their relationship inevitably ended, there would be so much drama and taking sides. They kind of broke us up too." — Pattie S., Grand Rapids, Michigan

Bad Husband

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"My former bestie got married for the second time to a JERK. I don't know what she sees in him, but I can't be around him. He is self-important and a snob and borderline racist. That she chose HIM makes her less appealing to me, by far." — Tonya Y., White Bear Lake, Minnesota