Sure, "sexy French maid" may have been your go-to Halloween costume before you had kids — but now that October 31 means handing out candy and leading a small tribe of trick-or-treaters around the neighborhood, there are some disguises better left in the back of your closet.
Here are some of the most inappropriate costume choices any mom could make — at least while the kids are awake! (Warning: Some of these should be avoided at ALL times.)
Image via fantasytoyland.com
Wet T-Shirt Contest Winner
This sad, soggy Wet T-Shirt Winner Costume ($36.99, spirithalloween.com) is offensive on so many levels, I can't even keep count. (I also can't imagine any woman actually finding this funny.)
Cecil the Lion
Oh yes, somebody actually went there: A slutty Cecil the Lion costume ($118.95, yandy.com). The fact that 20 percent of the proceeds will be given to a Global Conservation Organization barely even helps.
Bustin' Out Prisoner
Hey, kids! Prison uniforms are NOTHING like this Bustin' Out Prisoner Costume ($29.99, partycity.com) — although whoever wears this deserves to be locked up!
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Native American Princess
It's Halloween, not Coachella — and this Native American Princess Costume ($49.99, partycity.com) is blatant cultural appropriation either way. (And yes, I had a version of this costume as a kid too, but that was the '70s! We didn't know any better yet.)
First Aid Flirt
Can we please not degrade the honorable profession of nursing with this First Aid Flirt Nurse Costume ($39.99, partycity.com) madness? (In public, anyway??)
Blessed Babe Nun
A particularly bad choice for moms of children who go to Catholic school, this unholy Blessed Babe Nun Costume ($26.99, partycity.com) doesn't have a prayer.
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Mail Order Bride
If you're a mom who wears this Mail Order Bride Costume ($23.99, fantasytoyland.com), don't be surprised when the kids develop some pretty odd ideas about how you and their dad got together.
Booty Camp Cutie
Anyone who wears this Booty Camp Cutie Army Costume ($49.99, partycity.com) should be required to send a written apology to a soldier.
Sexy SWAT Officer
Why do I feel like the use of "excessive force" is to be expected if you're wearing this Hot SWAT Costume ($44.99, partycity.com)? So wrong for anything but an adults-only party.
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Bottle of Wine
A glass of wine with dinner? Perfectly appropriate. This Wine Bottle Dress Costume ($20.95, fantasytoyland.com) is NOT a glass of wine with dinner.
Beer Girl
Superhero is actually a great costume choice for moms, but Beer Girl Costume ($14.90, fantasytoyland.com) wouldn't quite make the cut as a Marvel character.
She's the Bomb
Here's a She's the Bomb Costume ($27.83, fantasytoyland.com). Good rule of thumb: If a costume would get your kid expelled from school, maybe you don't wear it either.
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