The signs of a happy relationship? Easy to spot. An unhappy marriage? Not so much. Not because they're any less obvious, but because nobody wants to admit their marriage is in trouble. But eventually, a woman has got to take the blinders off and concede that her relationship has hit some rough waters — and it's either time to get some professional help or bail so both people in the marriage can be happy again.
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Every couple has their troubles. Fights, petty comments, and mean behavior happen in all relationships. But how does a person know when enough is too much? There are tell-tale signs that a marriage is over — as much as we hate to admit it — but sometimes when things are happening do fast, it can be too overwhelming to focus on the details and admit that a decision needs to be made. We found advice from experts on when and how a person should call it quits. There are real reasons why a marriage should end — one just has to be willing to except that that is the answer.
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Here are the warning signs that a relationship has hit some titanic problems.
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You fantasize about a different life.
Meaning: a life WITHOUT your partner. "Sure, thinking about being single or romanticizing life with your hot tennis instructor is fun from time to time," notes Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, PhD, JD, a licensed family and marriage therapist in New York, Los Angeles, and Telluride, Colorado. "But if you're constantly thinking about life without your spouse, you're headed towards a breakup."
You don't want to be touched.
By your partner, that is. "Meaningful intimacy involves a physical connection," explains Hokemeyer. "If you find yourself impulsively recoiling from their touch, it's a sign you feel unsafe in the relationship."
You're no longer laughing.
"Humor's an incredibly important part of romance," says Hokemeyer. "With it, we can sail through the challenges of life. Without it, we crash on the shoals of bitterness, anger, and resentment."
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You dream of leaving him.
Our unconscious thoughts are so powerful that they actually influence our daily life, Hokemeyer says. To that end, "if you find yourself dreaming about a life without your mate," he says, "then it will eventually manifest."
You'd rather NOT be home.
"Home is where the heart is," Hokemeyer points out. "If you don't want to be there, it's a glaring sign you don't want to be married to your mate."
You're angry all the time.
Marriages are supposed to soothe and support us, Hokemeyer points out. But if, on the other hand, "they cause you to be angry at your spouse and other significant people in your life," he says, "there's deeply destructive trouble brewing."
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You're becoming passive-aggressive.
You forget important details. Or "accidentally" do things that will piss your partner off. These quietly destructive behaviors mean "you feel disconnected in your heart," says Hokemeyer, "and need to get back at your partner for failing to meet your expectations."
Your sex life is more satisfying solo.
Are you NEVER in the mood anymore? "When sex with your spouse becomes a chore and a big 'Why bother?' you've lost the critically important intimacy that will sustain you through life's rough patches," says Hokemeyer.
You're researching divorce attorneys.
"This is a sign you're looking for the exit door," cautions Hokemeyer. "It's the first step toward action rather than contemplation."
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