There are literally a bazillion (and still counting) ways you can spice up your relationship. Some of them are simple enough to fathom, but others may be a bit more difficult to visualize doing — like, say, bringing a third party into the mix on the regular. Too wild? Well, not for everyone …
When you hear the term "swingers," you imagine a variety of scenarios — some of them negative and others that may be positive. But let me assure you that this is a lifestyle that's unimaginable until you've actually dared to darken the steps of a swingers event IRL. However, if you've ever wondered if this may (or may not) be something you're into — here are 10 stories that will give you more insight than any Google search.
Image via iStock.com/stephanie phillips
A Love Story
"I was single when I started the lifestyle. I met my husband in the lifestyle, but we developed our relationship outside of the lifestyle. It wasn't until after I had my daughter that it really panned out because there was more trust. We dabbled in and out and then finally for New Year's, we went for it: We brought a couple home for the first time since I had my daughter and it was awkward because it was the first time — but fun.
It took a lot of love and cultivating of our relationship before we got to that point. At first I felt like, 'I'm a mom, I just need to focus on that,' but my husband reminded me that I was so much more and that I should still enjoy my life outside of being a mom." — AJ
The Golden Rule
"…The host [of the swingers party] actually came and interviewed us at lunch the day before. We passed without a problem because of our enthusiasm and looks. It actually was our first house party, but we did not let on because we wanted to go and the three other couples were hot. We were excited. Plus, we demonstrated that we had enough experience to know the golden rule of swinging: No means no.
The guard let us into the neighborhood with a wink. We pulled up in front of the palatial home, which was completely blacked out. We were a little nervous. We talked for a moment and jumped out of our skins when the phone rang. The group was watching us and wanted us to come in. We were met with hugs and kisses by an extremely well-dressed group. Candlelight and music filled the downstairs. We drank wine, flirted until the host said, 'Let's go upstairs.' There we found a dancer pole, more candles, and a custom huge bed. The four men laid down around the bed, the ladies chose a man, and the playtime began. Every once in a while, we switched partners or the ladies played with each other. It was elegant and a real rush.
We have been in the lifestyle for 10 years and have met mostly sane, fun, uninhibited couples. It is not our life but it is a hell of a fun hobby." — PB
Too Close for Comfort
"The first time I went [to 'swingers night' at a club], I got followed by a couple the whole night who ended up having sex on the couch next to us. The second time I was with my boyfriend and best friend — we literally walked in to see if it was still the swingers section, sat down, and got up because somebody was f*cking right behind us and bumping into the couch." — AE
Never Just Right
"Despite the excellent music and the (mostly) very attractive crowd, we will never go back. It just isn't our thing. My wife and I have been to sex clubs on five occasions and only had a good time once. That speaks volumes about us — my wife is more of a good sport than a 'swinger' — but it also says a lot about sex clubs. It's a hard thing to get right … " — DD
Happy People
"…I attended a club in San Diego called Thad's to get an idea of how to properly create a safe and effective digital experience. Honestly, these were some of the most friendly and happy people I've come across in a while. There were rooms with themes (BDSM, massage, etc. …). Rules were held to closely. I saw someone try to exchange numbers, which is strictly forbidden and the owner wiped the number off the two since there weren't phones allowed. Most people there were military and had great stories." — CC
More from CafeMom: 12 Women on Waiting (or Not Waiting) for Marriage to Have Sex
Age Is Not Just a Number
"I've been to one swingers party out of curiosity and decided just moments after walking in the door that this just isn't for me. There weren't many people my age there, and I'm just not into the geriatric scene. Not sure if swinging is a little more uncommon for people in their early 20s or what." — HR
Finding the One
"I once went to a swingers event that was held inside a normal club with a friend and there wasn't much action going on, yet there was still a certain discomfort, and I never knew if it was because everyone was too close for comfort OR the fact that I went with a platonic male friend. I like to believe with the right person I'd be down." — MC
More from CafeMom: 11 Signs You're Having the Perfect Amount of Sex
Private Room
"I'm not into the BDSM or fetish scene and don't have too many kinks. I do like multiple partners, swapping, and orgies, however. Sex clubs are a good place for people like me.
Three years ago, a girlfriend asked me if I'd like to visit a sex club … The organizers had arranged for two or three rooms, but they had allowed single men to attend, and those guys were mostly there to masturbate in the periphery while couples had sex on beds nearby. Sounded really unappealing to us. We didn't mind being exhibitionistic, but that wasn't our main goal. Mostly we were interested in swapping partners.
… Sex clubs are fine for people who want more or less than that (anything goes), so it's all about communication." — DS
No Judgment Zone
"I ended up going to Hedonism II in 2015, and I fell in love. There is nothing like being in a beautiful and majestic place and surrounded by beautiful people who want to do nothing but have fun and live life in a no judgment zone … I can be naked all day if I want, indulge in voyeurism, I can play with a couple if I choose to or I can play with another single. Hedo is a place for sexually inhibited adults, or if you want to try and break out of your shell. There is something for everyone …
I usually take the Sub/BDSM route and I have a couple of willing participants who will spank me or do whatever I choose. Everyone has a mutual respect for each other and each other's desires. Next year will be my third year going to Hedo and it is the one experience and one vacation spot that will never get old and will never change." — KG
