The decision about when to start having sex is a deeply personal one. When I think about my circle of friends, I realize I know people who happily started having sex in high school as well as those who proudly waited until they were married and so were well into their 20s before they did the deed. But as with many big life decisions, sometimes we don't always make the right choice.
While most moms I know seem pretty comfortable with their sexual choices, after interviewing a lot of women I've discovered that there are those who have regrets.
Reading their stories is a good reminder that when it comes to the complicated emotions, values, and choices that go into becoming an adult with a healthy sex life, there is no one right path. Due to the private nature of these stories, names have been withheld.
And, #5? Yeouch!
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Different Drives
"My husband and I were both virgins when we got married after over five years of dating and two years of living together. Yes, we lived together without doing it, though we did oral and other stuff.
Sometimes I regret waiting because although our sex is pleasurable, we have MUCH different sex drives than I anticipated we'd have. I thought he'd be crazy for it when we finally could do it, but not so much. I'd like it two times a week and he is happy with once or twice a month. It is kind of a disappointment."
Over It
"We waited until marriage mostly out of tradition. I think we would have been better off having not waited. We have some issues with our sex life and I wish we had resolved them BEFORE we were married and for sure before we started trying to have kids."
The One
"My husband was a virgin when we met and I wasn't — not by a long shot. I had kind of a party girl phase though I'm settled down now.
He doesn't say it, but I know my husband is sometimes sad that he isn't my one and only partner. He's my one and only in terms of love! But I think he worries he doesn't measure up."
Disappointment
"I'm 22, and I've been married for just almost six months. So far, I'm not sure sex was worth the wait. It feels good to be close to him, but it is over so fast! And I've still never had a climax or whatever."
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Second Thoughts
"I waited until marriage because I was raised very religiously. It wasn't really an option in my world. But now I'm older and not religious anymore and I have second thoughts about the whole thing.
My sex life with my husband is fine, but I wish I had taken the chance to have experimented a bit. I have a list of things I'd like to try that my husband isn't interested in and it feels a little depressing to think I'll never get to have sex in the backseat of a car, for example."
Ouch!
"I'm proud of us for waiting until we were married, but I don't love the fact that I found out on my honeymoon that I'm allergic to the spermicide in the condoms we brought. It was quite the bummer."
Long Distance
"I don't really regret waiting but it does totally suck that my husband got transferred to a new city like two months after we got married. I am finishing school, so I can't move with him yet — so we see each other once a month.
Twenty-four years of waiting and I JUST got to start having sex and now I have to wait weeks to have it again. No fair!"
My Heart
"My husband is the love of my life — my heart, soul mate, whatever. I kind of wish we had waited until marriage (we both had been with other people before) because it would have been cool to be each other's one and only."
More from CafeMom: 13 Women Tell the Sweet, Funny & Terrible Stories of Their 'First Time'
Cheater
"Well, I thought we'd both waited until marriage for sex but turns out he lied about that! He cheated on me when we were engaged and since we've been married. We're in therapy now, but things don't look good. It feels pointless that I waited so long for someone who apparently didn't really value it."
Regret
"Twenty years after the fact and I can finally admit that I really, really wish I had gone all the way with my college boyfriend. He was hot and French and I was hot, skinny, and super horny. I don't honestly know how I made it to my wedding day a virgin. Such regret."
Self-Esteem Sex
"I was overweight when I was in high school and college and I was kind of promiscuous. I see now, after losing weight and a lot of therapy, that I was just using sex for validation and to feel worthy.
Now I have a husband who is the best and so supportive and I wish I hadn't given so much of myself to others who weren't worthy."
The Glue
"I got married two years ago and we waited. I don't regret it, exactly but I think now that it would have been okay to have not waited too. Sex isn't a glue that holds our marriage together. It is just a nice bonus."
