
There are lots of good reasons to call off a wedding (ahem, hello COVID-19). But a man on Reddit is getting some major pushback after calling off his wedding because he discovered something about his fiancée he wasn't expecting: a graphic sex tape from a past relationship that had been posted online. (Yikes.)
I think we can all agree that being reminded of your fiancée's past relationships is sometimes uncomfortable.
And seeing him or her on camera, engaged in super intimate and/or graphic sexual things with said former partner?
Uh, yeah … that can be a difficult pill to swallow.
But for this guy, it was more than just "uncomfortable" -- it was a full-on deal breaker.
Although the Reddit user didn't get into many details, he admitted the whole thing threw him for a major emotional loop.
"Ashamed isn’t the right word," he described in a later comment on the thread. "I feel scarred knowing that anyone can find her online and watch her having sex."
He's also having issues dealing with how exactly he found out about it.
"I feel betrayed that she didn’t tell me until I found out through a friend," he explained.
Still, he says he's not really sure what to do next.
"I do really love her," he continued. "I’m torn."
So torn, in fact, that he turned to Reddit to tell him what to do. And boy, did commenters have a lot of opinions on the matter.
Some people thought the guy had blown the whole thing out of proportion.
"I think you're overreacting," one person wrote. "I feel like maybe she didn't tell you because she knew you would react this way and not even want to date her after knowing. Clearly this is the case since you're calling off your wedding.
"This is something in her past," the person added. "You should get over it honestly. We are all human and we do things sometimes that aren't always awesome. Is throwing your love away over something in her past worth it?"
In fact, plenty of people didn't think this was grounds for calling off a wedding -- and a marriage.
"Get over it dude," one person wrote. "Who she was then and who she is now, are most likely two different people in terms of decision making. If you're willing to give up your seemingly perfect match, then shake the dice and let them roll."
But others sided with the poster, saying they understood how it was more about the cover-up than the thing itself.
"I'm very liberal when it comes to sex and I would find it extremely concerning if my partner had refused to disclose some thing of this nature that she knew would affect how I see her," one person shared/ "[Your] feelings are valid."
There also appears to be a bit more to the story that's complicating matters ...
"I’m getting texts and calls from her and her friends about how I’m being misogynistic, how my fragile male ego couldn’t handle that my fiancée had been with other people, and that I’m an outright d–k for even letting this affect our relationship," the man explained.
So yeah — it's definitely causing some added tension that makes patching things up more complicated (especially during a quarantine).
In later comments, the Reddit poster admits he has "conservative" views about sex, which is part of why he reacted so strongly.
A lot of this comes from his cultural background, he explained, "where sex is heavily associated with love and marriage."
But ultimately, the biggest issue he has with the whole thing comes from feeling lied to. Especially because although his fiancée was not the person who put it online, she knew it was there for years.
"I would have been less annoyed if she had told me herself when we were initially getting close," he wrote. "I respect honesty. I hate the fact that I found out through a friend, which likely means she was willing to wait until after marriage to tell me."
A lot of people had to agree, and pointed out that maybe this was a sign the two are incompatible.
"That fact that she hid it is not a good sign of a lasting relationship," one person wrote. "I tell my wife everything. I have many women friends and I do hug them when I see them. I make sure that it’s ok with my wife and they are very close friends. I did many things in the past that are very regrettable and I made sure she knew everything before I popped the question. She did too … Communication is key man. Hope everything works out together or not."
Still, several people couldn't help but empathize with the woman, who likely hid the truth because of her fear about his reaction.
"I was in a porn that leaked in my hometown," one woman wrote. "Luckily I told my fiance and he was not happy but glad I told. Regardless … I feel for this girl. I am so much different now and she probably is too. It was a stupid thing to do and seems like she was ashamed and scared to tell you. Sad."
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