BDSM may seem intimidating for couples who’ve never dipped their toes in such dark waters, but have no fear! So long as both partners are consenting adults, exploring power play dynamics in the bedroom can be an excellent way to strengthen your romantic relationship. After all, the definition of romance according to the Cambridge Dictionary is, “the feeling of excitement or mystery that you have from a particular experience or event.” What could be more exciting (and remote) from everyday life than getting tied up?
Believe me when I say, the last thing you want is for your sex life to feel like another chore to tick off the list, no different than the laundry cycle and unloading the dishwasher. Yawn! While there are many ways to add spice to the bedroom that certainly don’t have to include BDSM, power play is an excellent recipe for keeping the spark alive.
But before we dive into the different positions, here are some important safety tips to keep in mind before you jump right into the fun:
Safety Tip 1: Make Sure You Have A Safe Word
A “safe word” is a specific word that can be used during a scene that officially puts an end to all sexual activity. It’s basically a way of saying “stop”, and once the safe word is uttered, it’s essential that the partner in control listens and puts an end to the scene. It’s important that the submissive partner always feels comfortable enough to utter the safe word. Safe words can be anything from “red” to “pineapple.”
Safety Tip 2: Discuss Likes and Dislikes Beforehand
It’s essential to understand what your partner enjoys in the bedroom and which kinks/positions/acts are non-negotiable. It’s much more responsible as well as ethical to have this discussion beforehand, especially if hardcore sex is on the table.
Safety Tip 3: Ensure Enthusiastic Consent For BOTH Partners
Both partners need to show enthusiastic consent in order for this to work.
Safety Tip 4: Engage in Aftercare
Aftercare is a term used in the BDSM community, which basically means partners should check up on each other following intercourse. Aftercare can include affectionate cuddling, especially after a particularly intense or emotionally charged scene. One thing that can be helpful is to ask your partner how they prefer to engage in aftercare, because it can vary widely depending on the person.
Safety Tip 5: Properly Research Your Bondage Materials Before Purchasing
The last thing you want to do is buy super sturdy and painful rope when you’re hoping for something more beginner-friendly. Or, if you and your partner are already BDSM-friendly and you wind up getting cheap fuzzy handcuffs that keep falling off, it can take you out of the whole scene. Be responsible, and read up on what you’re purchasing so you can see if it’s right for you and your partner!
And now for the positions:
Missionary with Ropes
It can be quite intimate to incorporate bondage into a more predictable sex position. Simply tying the submissive partner’s wrists against the bedpost can be a great way to dip your toes into bondage play, without anything complex. Honestly, sometimes the simpler the better.
On Top with Ropes
Perhaps you want to be the one in charge. With you on top, while your male partner has their wrists tied together below you, this can be an empowering way to explore dominance in the power play scenario.
Blindfolded
Being blindfolded can be an excellent way to heighten your senses and create a sense of mystery. What will your partner do next? Giving up so much control can actually be incredibly liberating. When it comes to being blindfolded, the longer the foreplay session, the better.
Doggystyle with Thigh Cuffs
Spice up your run-of-the-mill doggystyle position by having the receiver’s wrists bound to their thighs. You can do this using thigh cuffs, like these super cute pink ones from Etsy! It’s the ultimate way to surrender to your dominant partner.
Spoons With Handcuffs
Is it just me, or is there something weirdly romantic about spooning sex? If you want to make it even spicier and more intimate, consider adding handcuffs for the receiver, or even a blindfold for extra excitement.
Tied Up Wrists With Prolonged Foreplay
On Sex and the City, Samantha famously says, “The only thing hotter than having sex is not having sex.” Sometimes, doing everything but can be just as erotic as the actual act, if not more so. Tying the submissive partner up with prolonged foreplay can be a super hot way to explore that give-and-take dynamic.
The Lap Dance
Play your sexiest music, and tie your partner to a chair with rope. Give them a show like you’re on stage!
Which of these moves are you hoping to try next?
