For years, one man says he had to deal with being judged by friends and family for cheating. But he claims that in reality, it was his wife who had the wandering eye and blamed it all on him. And that isn't all — she also gave him a sexually transmitted disease while also making his life hell as she blamed him for it. Now, he’s faced with a particular dilemma — after years of suffering from her betrayal and lies, does he have a right to sue her for what she’s done?
As the Original Poster tells it, his wife “got the itch” after 10 years of marriage and cheated back in 2015.
“She cheated on me with the one person I can say I hate, my cousin. [He] ended up giving her herpes, which was unfortunately passed on to me unknowingly,” he wrote in a since-deleted Reddit post.
When the OP’s wife found out about the STD she went “scorched earth” and to save face “she shouted to the high heavens that I had cheated, something I've always denied and used the herpes as proof of my invalidity.”
At the time, the OP had no idea who his wife cheated on him with.
And his cousin was determined to keep his mouth shut.
OP's wife “tried [to] pressure me into confessing and going to marriage counselling,” he wrote. “I refused and she filed for divorce in 2016.”
But the divorce was just the beginning of some of the worst years of OP’s life.
Everyone sided with his wife — "I've, until this pandemic, rarely saw my two sons, until she and the majority of her family got Covid and they came to live with me during the summer of 2020.”
He even got fired because “my boss told me he didn't trust [a] cheater.”
The OP lost all of his friends, and his family turned their backs on him “for cheating on my ‘amazing'" wife.
The last time he saw his whole family was in 2016 — before his now ex-wife told them all that he cheated.
But things really changed in the last year. His cousin got COVID-19 in January 2021, and the near-death experience got him thinking.
“He took his survival as a sign of god and started to become a somewhat devout catholic. He decided to reach out to me on the advice of his priest to ask for forgiveness on Friday,” he recalled. “He confessed he has a year long affair with [my ex], and it was him who gave her herpes.“
The OP chose to forgive him but told him that his confession alone wasn’t enough.
“He offered to make his confession public and then I asked what would he do if she denies it, he said he had texts of the affair and that she also knew she had herpes 3 months before she went scorched earth on me, pictures and videos of their affair, some he had sent me as proof,” he recalled.
According to the laws in the state that the OP lives in, he has the right to sue, but he’s not sure if he should take the drastic step.
“So Would I Be the A—hole?” he asked.
Many people agreed — the OP deserved a little revenge.
“I say blow up her life," one commenter wrote.
Another person agreed he wasn't the jerk, writing, "make.her.pockets.hurt."
"She intentionally ruined your life. The least you should get is some money out of it," a third person chimed in.
But a few people weren't so sure.
One commenter was very against it, advising this:
"Good luck proving that is where you got herpes. You could have had it with no symptoms for years/decades (likely, no… possible, yes) .. Also, herpes is annoying, but not life threatening or a major inconvenience. You may be able to sue… in fact you can sue anyone for anything… but you are just going to look stupid for trying. The likelihood that you win is nil."
Another person thought everyone in the situation sucks. “Yes what she did was absolutely wrong, and she should definitely be in a position where her lies are exposed," the person wrote before adding this:
"However, you should think carefully how your sons will be impacted by any decision you make. No matter what has happened before they are very likely to hate you for suing their mother. If you want to have any chance of a relationship with them again going nuclear will not get you that. Not to mention any obvious financial impact from impoverishing their mother."
And a third commenter agreed — this seemed like a fool's errand. "If [ex-wife] has assets that are worth seizing and there is a good chance he can get them, I say go for it. However, a legal case will consume time and money and even if you win leave you emotionally drained." As the person continued:
"It will drag up a bunch of pain from that past that will not be healthy. I think OP would be an AH to himself if he does this and there is no benefit to him aside from revenge. Either way, he still has herpes, he still was hurt by a bunch of people who should have had his back, and he is not getting that job back (and would he want it at this point anyway?). If [ex-wife] is judgment proof (doesn't have any money), then what's the point of putting yourself through all that?"
The OP should probably see if he has a case before getting his hopes up to sue his ex-wife — and then decide if it's really, really worth it.
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