It’s no secret that mothers-in-law and their daughters-in-law seldom hit it off right away, and some never do. Honestly, even if they are friendly when the woman is dating their son or daughter, often the dynamic changes when marriage comes into play. It’s probably got something to do with the power shift and the thought of losing their child to another woman — not being their No. 1 anymore. But that’s just the circle of life. Moms raise their awesome human beings to be with (hopefully) other awesome human being to make tinier awesome human beings. That’s how the world becomes a better place, in theory.
But before all that happens, there needs to be some give and take by all parties. Nobody is the winner in the in-law relations game unless everybody wins; otherwise, it’s just painful for everyone. One daughter-in-law, aka OP, has certain things she doesn’t want to sacrifice, especially in her own home, to accommodate her visiting mother-in-law, and she wanted the Reddit community to weigh in.
OP just wants to unwind and be naked in her own yard.
The OP was very upset and wasn’t sure how to handle her MIL and husband’s request she cover up, so she went to Reddit’s Just No MIL community seeking guidance.
“For some background, my husband (36M) and I (27F) have been married for a little over a year, and we recently bought a nice house," she wrote. "It has a pool and a hot tub and one of the things I've enjoyed is unwinding after a long day. My work has been really busy and stressful (working at a startup).”
The problem is her MIL.
“Now, my husband's old mom who is from a different world (a southern lady who is super prudish and very passive aggressive) is staying with us for a month," she shared. "My husband wants me to stop sunbathing / swimming / hot-tubbing topless and "dressing up a little more" when having breakfast and dinner.”
His wife flat-out refused to do so.
She told her MIL that she's a guest in their house and she won't be rude or inappropriate, but she refuses to change how she acts in her own home, especially when it’s going to cut off a crucial way in which she relaxes and unwinds.
OP’s family has always been very comfortable with nudity, so she finds it really irritating and completely unnecessary to be told to restrict what she thinks is perfectly harmless and normal behavior. To her, normal is swimming and hot-tubbing nude, sunbathing topless, and not having to wear a bra when guests are over.
“I genuinely think my mental health and work will suffer if this avenue is cut off," she wrote.
“I [spend] 10-15 min swimming and another 10-15 min relaxing in the tub EVERY DAY without fail)," laments OP.
OP shared that she is perfectly willing to be accommodating with her cooking because her MIL hates vegetarian food. As a compromise, she is going to be cooking more meat, among other things, and will be moving her office equipment to a different room to give her MIL a downstairs bedroom. (Stairs are tough!)
She believes these compromises make sense but that the request that she wear some clothes is not. So, OP took to Reddit to find out if she is in the wrong.
She might not have been happy with Redditors' responses.
Redditors were torn, but most feel that maybe the OP is being the jerk in this situation. They pretty much see her as uncompromising and selfish in her behavior.
One commenter thinks OP is in the wrong. "[N]ot wanting to see people naked isn’t 'prudish.' I would draw the line with the dressing up part or needing to wear a bra. But it’s not unreasonable to not want you to be naked. If your mental health tanks because you’re wearing a bikini instead of naked there’s bigger issues here.”
Another commenter came at it from a different angle. “I'm confused. I didn't even breastfeed my daughter uncovered in front of my in-laws because I felt weird at the thought of them seeing my boobs, and OP just wants to let EVERYTHING hang out in front of her MIL constantly? Am I missing something here?”
One empathetic commenter thought OP should read the situation a little better.
“Some people are just really comfortable with nudity. My family is a little like that. But I can’t imagine being bothered that I was asked to wear basics around my home for a month because family/in-laws are staying with me," the commenter wrote. "I am nude or wearing an open robe with nothing underneath around my house a lot. And when I had a hot tub, I always got in it nude. But not when family or friends were over since I assumed it would make them uncomfortable.”
Another commenter also made a good point: “I am fine with casual nudity. BUT I also don't want to see my in-laws in their underwear (or less for that matter). I know a lot of folks are not. So I just roll with the flow.
"I respect the level of comfort my company is at," the person continued. "I always assumed it's common courtesy to cover up the 'critical parts' and if you have they can shove it. Also what happened to: Make your guests feel comfortable. 1 month is still the mark I would consider someone a house guest and not a roomer.”
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