Daughter-in-Law Recovering From an Eating Disorder Gets Criticized by MIL About Her Looks

The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship is ofen an intense and complicated one. Moms can naturally be a little judgmental of the woman their child chooses to spend their life with. Moms never think anyone is good enough for their child, and therefore the relationship between MIL and daughter-in-law occasionally leads to drama.

Although letting go of your kids can be hard, that’s no reason to make personal attacks on a son- or daughter-in-law. One mom is taking her toxic MIL role too far, and her DIL is crushed over the passive-aggressive remarks she is making about her body. So the DIL (aka OP) took to Reddit to talk about it. She shouldn’t have to be criticized by her MIL about her weight, especially when OP is recovering from an eating disorder.

The OP was very upset and wasn’t sure how to handle her MIL’s abuse, so she went to the Reddit’s Just No MIL forum seeking guidance.

“I (22 f) am visibly overweight and have been my whole life," OP wrote. "I am recovering from a binge eating disorder and have been since high school. I have recently gotten to a really great place where I have no problems with the way I look. I actually think I’m pretty.”

Isn’t this the goal for all women, to be comfortable living in our own skin? Some women spend a lifetime just trying to love who they are but never get there, so this OP is ahead of the game at 22 years old.

“My wife (23 f) has never made me feel bad for my weight and assures me she loves my body. My wife is also in ED recovery so she is very aware of how bad EDs are, but she has been very thin and athletic her whole life,” OP shared.

What a gift to find a partner who not only understands where she is coming from but how she feels navigating the post eating disorder world.

According to OP, her wife’s family is very health-oriented.

"When I first met them I was honestly shocked at the amount of multi vitamins in their home," wrote OP. "My wife’s sisters are very much pushing their kids into sports and health-minded lifestyles (one baby is not even born yet and it has a diet and exercise plan already laid out for it).”

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OP added, “My MIL was shocked when my wife ate white bread in front of her once. Whenever I eat a sandwich on white bread she gives me a disapproving look. My MIL once complained to me in a restaurant about how she needs to get something low calorie because she had one piece of French toast and 'a lot of fruit' that morning.

"That is all she had all day and it was pretty late at night," OP continued. "I ate the same thing and also ate lunch (she knew this) and had just made a comment that I was starving.”

The OP’s in-laws are very important to her.

Her MIL is older, so OP tries to give her the benefit of the doubt because she appreciates the fact that she supports her and her wife’s same-sex marriage because her own family does not approve of their union.

But OP thinks her MIL has been going too far.

“Lately my MIL has been commenting on my appearance a lot and it is starting to bother me. It started off pretty fine. She would say she 'wasn’t a short hair person but I look nice anyway' when I cut my hair. It devolved into little comments about how I should grow my hair out, how she liked when my hair was longer," OP wrote.

"She most recently made a comment about how I don’t look feminine enough. My hair is not that short. It is about halfway down my neck and in a overly feminine cut. I also have a very feminine face so I in no way look masculine.”

It sounds like the DIL has a lot of respect for her MIL, but the older woman is not reciprocating and, in fact, embarrassing her in public with snide comments.

OP and her wife recently went on a hike with her MIL and FIL.

OP’s wife mentioned that OP has been having headaches recently and that she should probably get it checked out at a doctor because of her family history with migraines and tumors. Her MIL immediately recommended that she drink more water and that she should “exercise more."

“My wife defended me and tried to explain that my headaches are not a result of poor exercise," OP wrote. "It is a genetic thing and we just wanted to make sure it wasn’t something more serious.”

MIL told OP’s wife to “stop protecting her from her own actions." She also said that she just wants DIL to be healthy and “look better."

After the hike, OP's wife apologized for her mom. But now, OP feels like crap about her body. OP admitted she’s even regressed and has started dropping into old eating disorder habits.

OP doesn’t really know what to do and how to handle her MIL in this situation.

Most Redditors agreed with the OP that her MIL is way out of line with her passive-aggressive, triggering behavior. Forum members pretty much saw her monster-in-law for the bully she is.

One commenter had a whole plan, writing: “Look up 'Baby runs for President.' I think using that tactic would help you immensely. Basically it's to act confused by their comments and ask a lot of open-ended questions that make them feel worse and worse for opening their mouth."

The commenter explained that you don't argue. Instead, you act like you don't get the comment because "babies don't understand and they ask all kinds of weird questions." The person also gave an example.

"She would say she 'wasn’t a short hair person but I look nice anyway.' [Then you say:] 'I don't understand. What do you mean? What's a short hair person? What makes someone a short hair person?' Then be ABSOLUTELY QUIET and wait for them to speak," the person advised. "There may be some awkward silence. Do not speak first. Look at them waiting for an answer!”

Another commenter said what everyone was thinking: “For the record, that is NOT a family who is 'health-oriented.'"

"That is a whole family with disordered eating," added the commenter. "I wonder why your wife had an ED. /s [sarcasm] Just because they are not diagnosed anorexic or bulimic or anything else does not mean they aren’t disorder eaters. An unborn baby with a diet and exercise plan is F—ED UP.”

“You're not overreacting," added someone else. "Your MIL is overly invested in your weight and appearance. You or wife need to have a conversation and tell them that unsolicited comments about weight or appearance or eating habits are unacceptable.”

This exactly. MIL needs to worry about her own disordered eating and unhealthy habits.

Another commenter chimed in with this simple but effective response to one of her MIL's comments: “My appearance, weight, diet, and health are none of your business."

Rinse and repeat.

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