One of the most personal choices a couple makes is if and how they want to expand their family. For some, they feel being childless is best. For others, they feel they were meant to adopt. No matter how these people make their family, all that matters is is that there is love and it is on their own terms.
When one couple annouced they were beginning the process of adoption, their family "stepped in" to try to help them be able to conceive naturally — however, that uncovered a rather large secret.
One woman began her story by explaining her relationship dynamic to Reddit.
"My husband is a transgender man, therefore he cannot get me pregnant," she started her post. "We agreed before we even got married that we wanted to adopt, and we're a couple years into the process right now, and are probably a couple years off being able to adopt kids.
"We told my parents that we want to adopt, but have never told them he is trans, because we didn't think they'd accept it. They are aware of our adoption plans and have asked us if we'd seen a fertility specialist when we said we couldn't have kids, and we said we haven't seen one because we want to adopt."
By not explaining that a huge factor as to why they were adopting was because of her husband being trans, her family went ahead with a very presumptuous gift.
"For our anniversary a couple days ago, my parents told us they've prepaid for a consultation at a fertility clinic," she wrote. "They've put down £200 just for the initial consultation and another £120 for a semen culture (I already have a son from a previous relationship so they know I'm not the problem). They've prepaid for it, and sent us an invoice from the clinic confirming that the consultation and test have both been paid for.
"They've also paid for train tickets (£108) for us to get to the clinic. My husband then decided to come out to them as transgender and explain exactly why he couldn't have a semen culture done (no semen). (Edit: to be clear, he chose to tell them, and he told them himself, I didn't 'out' him."
Since her husband came out, it's been total and utter chaos.
"They're furious we didn't tell them sooner, said they have a right to know who they were 'allowing' into their family, and are fuming that they've put down money for a consultation/test we won't be having," she wrote.
"They want an apology for not telling them sooner, and a refund on the £428 they paid out, as they say they wouldn't have put that money down if they'd known that we already knew exactly why we couldn't have kids 'the old fashioned way' (as my dad put it)."
However, she felt that they were the ones acting out of turn.
"I've said we didn't ask them to put that money down and it was disrespectful of them to do so when they know we want to adopt, and it shouldn't matter to them whether my husband is cis or trans," she said. "However, they feel that they are owed an apology for hiding the truth and expect us to refund the £428 they paid out, as they would not have paid it out if they knew the truth."
Now she and her husband are worried they are wrong, despited "coming from a good place," and they think they probably should have told them sooner.
Most people sided with the couple, stating that the gift in and of itself is just ... weird.
"Even if your husband was a CIS male, your parents WAY overstepped by scheduling at the clinic — an extremely personal decision that should only be made by the couple involved," wrote one commenter.
"This is in no way their business and they over stepped the line when they took it upon themselves to make this appointment for an invasive medical procedure for someone else without consulting them," added another person.
"They stupidly gambled that money and lost. That's on them," the person continued. "Also, if I were you, I would have little to do with them after that blatant show of disrespect and entitlement."
All in all, this couple deserves dignity and respect of boundaries. We hope her parents can shape up or be prepared to ship out!
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
