Helping family members during difficult times always sounds like a good choice — in theory. Most of us would like to be the type of people who are there for our relatives through thick and thin, but so often, helping a loved one comes with major inconveniences, unforeseen costs, and loads of drama.
So much so, that you might feel you'd have been better off just saying "no" from the outset. One Reddit user recently learned this lesson a little too late.
The Reddit user wanted to know if he was wrong for asking his sister to leave his home during a rough time.
In the ever-popular Am I The A–hole forum on Reddit, the original poster asked the Reddit community if he was wrong for kicking his sister out of his home after he learned how she was treating his wife and child.
The OP began by sharing the circumstances that led to his sister moving into his home in the first place: “So my sister is now divorcing her husband and she’s staying with me while everything is finalized.” While he didn’t mention specifics, he also explained that his sister suffered a miscarriage a few months ago.
The miscarriage was important to note as the OP’s wife is currently pregnant. Considering the fact that his sister is going through an incredibly vulnerable time and processing two different types of loss, the OP originally offered to help her stay somewhere else if seeing his pregnant wife wass too much for her to handle. The sister must have assured him she was fine because she ended up staying in the family’s guest bedroom.
At some point, things went wrong.
Eventually, the OP noticed that his wife’s behavior had changed. He claims she was hyper-focused on the health of the baby she was carrying. “At first I just thought that she was thinking about my sister and did my best to ease the concerns,” OP wrote. But later he found his wife crying in the living room and looking stressed out. After some prodding, his wife eventually confessed that her sister-in-law had been acting strangely.
It's not clear whether the couple has an older child or their baby was born some time after the sister moved in, but at some point, she started overstepping boundaries and was trying to act like a mother to the couple’s child.
“She was calling herself mom to our kid, when our kid would need a diaper change she would do it, and get mad if my wife did it,” the OP explained. “When it was breastfeeding time she would get upset, cry, or get mad at my wife, even asked her to formula feed so it’s 'easier for everyone.'”
The sister started bringing up miscarriage often to the OP’s pregnant wife.
OP says his sister had also made incredibly insensitive comments about the baby-to-be, referencing miscarriage at every turn. She once asked the wife, “Why are you eating that? That kills your baby!” over yogurt. “She accused my wife of wanting a miscarriage because she was doing everything wrong or everything that causes miscarriage.”
If all of that weren’t enough, the final straw came when the sister asked to breastfeed the couple’s baby. When the wife said no, he says she started berating her.
The OP told his sister she had to go.
Naturally, he couldn't let his sister stay with them any longer. When the OP sat his sister down to let her know, she started “pleading” and claimed she would never behave that way again. The OP offered to pay for her rental or hotel room and help her with whatever she might need, but he stuck to his guns and said his home could no longer be a part of the deal.
“I suggested intensive therapy, or professional help,” the OP wrote, “but she got mad at me, so I said She needs to leave.”
While OP’s family is upset, the Reddit community thinks he did the right thing.
The OP wrote that his family “has his ass” for kicking his sister out, claiming that he will never understand what miscarriage entails. But the Reddit community has almost unanimously decided that he didn’t do anything wrong and was not the a–hole in this instance.
“As someone who's been through a miscarriage, this is NOT normal behavior,” one person wrote in response. “This requires mental evaluation. You are protecting your wife and your children from someone who has become unhinged (or she already was, and she just took a while to let you realize her cheese had slid off her cracker).”
There were plenty of comments that addressed the mental health of the sister, but one user pointed out that his sister made sure that she was very intentional about saving all of her toxic behavior for when he wasn't around, which is particularly disturbing.
“Your sister, regardless of what she went through, made a choice to be an a–hole towards your wife,” the user wrote. “Your sister's criticisms and disrupting/interfering with your wife's routine is purposely calculated. She only does it when you're not there.”
Another person commented: "Does anyone remember the movie The Hand That Rocks the Cradle?! This smacks of the same kind of situation. OP, if you really want to help, offer to pay for therapy ASAP."
What do you make of all of this? Was the OP wrong to kick his sister out or did he do what needed to be done?
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
