Marriage is a partnership, but it isn’t always equal. Sometimes you’re the giver, and other times you’re the taker. The beauty about marriage is that it is a partnership where the other person is there to pick up the slack when life gets too hard to manage all on your own. Your partner is often your soft place to land, your biggest cheerleader, and the person you can go to when the rest of the world lets you down.
That’s the reality of the fairy tale we’re sold. It’s not about having a prince to rescue a damsel in distress but about a friend to be beside us. Marriage is supposed to be unconditional love and support, but that’s not what it always turns out to be. Sometimes it’s a giant exercise in disappointment.
One wife (OP) found out the hard way that sometimes the fairy tale doesn’t turn out the way we planned. She went to the Reddit AITA community to share her side of the story and get some opinions and commiseration.
OP started off with some backstory ...
“To start off I want to say that my husband (36M) has an old friend (33M) that he's known since high school. They're inseparable and spend the entire week together. They're really really close.”
The OP continued, sharing, “My husband and I struggled with fertility issues for years. We recently started new method (IVF) in hopes to get at least one child together. Note that I saved for the majority of treatment while my husband only paid 2-3 thousand. We saved up for another round after the huge disappointment and heartbreak from failing the first time (that's just how it goes). This time I'd put all the money (including my dad's inheritance) and my husband didn't pay a cent.”
Last week, OP found out that her husband had secretly pulled out $7K of the $11K they had saved.
OP was completely and utterly shocked, so she confronted her husband and he casually reminded OP of how many times his best friend complained about his "old junk" car. OP’s husband decided, on his own, to "lend" his friend $7K to buy a car. OP’s husband’s argument was that his friend would've done the same for him.
She was beyond livid and asked her husband if he really thought that was OK. He said that she shouldn't worry and guaranteed his friend would pay them back in time.
Then her husband told his wife that the infertility is her problem.
That was the final straw for OP.
“I lost it on him and immediately demanded his friend to send the money back and threatened police involvement in case he refused. His friend immediately returned the money but told my husband about the police thing and my husband came home and yelled at me calling me unhinged and selfish. I told him I saved up some of this money/used my inheritance for this treatment while he contributed nothing even though we're in this together.”
Next, OP’s husband stepped way over the line.
“He 'corrected' me saying I'm the one with the problem and he thought it's only fair that I 'make up' for it by paying for the IVF myself. This hurt so badly and I couldn't argue anymore. He went to stay with his friend while constantly shaming me for how I treated them both.”
The Reddit community had a lot to say.
Redditors pulled no punches when weighing in.
“NTA. That was money you saved/inherited. That means you ARE the one paying for it and he DID steal from you,” one person wrote.
This commenter dispensed some brutal honesty, writing this:
"He went to stay with his friend … " Good, he should stay there. OP, I'm sorry but I think it's really clear who's the most important person in your husband's life and it's not you. Please, think long and hard if this is the husband you and future children deserve. He's supposed to be your partner, a team, I feel like you're the 3rd wheel in your husband's life.”
This commenter had a warning: “OP, do not have a child with this man, not just because he doesn't care about you but also because there's something of an implication in his theft of you that he's not hopeful of any future attempts at successful fertility. He doesn't want to build a family with you — sad as that is to read.”
Finally, this commenter said what everyone else was thinking: “Maybe you should change the locks before he gets back from his friend’s house.”
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