Husband To Leave Wife With High-Risk Pregnancy at Home After He Refuses To Cancel Vacation

Marriage is a lifetime of give and take — sometimes you’re the giver and other times you’re the receiver. No one is supposed to be keeping receipts, but at the same time, no one should need to. It’s a partnership that ebbs and flows. But one pregnant Reddit poster feels she's getting the short end of the stick in her relationship, so she took to the AITA subreddit for advice.

"My husband is planning to go on an all-expenses paid trip with colleagues to Europe soon (adding a couple of days to see family)," she wrote. "At the time of his travels, I will be 32/33 weeks pregnant with our second child. We almost lost our first child at 32 weeks."

Clearly, the stakes are high when it comes to this pregnancy.

“Although I really would love for him to go and have some fun, there’s several reasons why I’m not feeling good about him going on this trip," wrote the original poster.

This is a high-risk pregnancy for OP. Their first child was born at 32 weeks and severely growth restricted (weighing less than 2.2 lbs.). This pregnancy, the same issue has arisen, but OP is taking medication that seems to work so far.

As of 28 weeks onwards, the risks increase, and therefore they are having a growth scan every two weeks. These scans are important and although it seems OK so far, there is always a risk that the baby will stop growing and need to be born before the scheduled C-section at 38 weeks.

OP reiterates, "All looks OK so far and we are optimistic about making the 38 weeks. I am the caretaker of our toddler, but due to this pregnancy I was told to take it really easy and not lift anything (including my toddler). With my husband away all of the care would be on me and it would be very difficult to take it easy.”

This overwhelmed, soon-to-be mom of two has put a lot of thought into this and her gut is probably working overtime.

What it comes down to is OP is afraid to be left home with her high-risk pregnancy, as she has been traumatized from a previous birth that almost ended in disaster.

OP lists several more reasons why she’d prefer her husband not to be gone across continents while she is left behind with their other toddler.

“We have recently moved to another continent and have no social network or backup in place — if something were to happen I have no idea who to call to look after our toddler. I would literally be on my own. He would be away for 10 days total, which I think is too long. He would be two flights away, total of 15 hours in the air excluding layover.”

The 32-week mark will be an emotional time for OP.

The 32-week mark is when their first child was born through emergency C-section after a scary pregnancy in which they were never sure he would make it. He spent two months in the hospital before coming home. She’s just not feeling confident the further along she gets.

OP continues, “I’m at a higher risk of getting pre-eclampsia and last week’s blood test showed heightened values. Nothing concerning yet, but something to keep checking up on.”

Lastly, the place where OP’s husband will be at is a destination famous for its party scene. There will likely be a lot of alcohol consumption, which would make a potential “emergency” flight home a bit more dramatic. OP feels this is inconsiderate and irresponsible considering the situation.

OP rationally concludes, “Although I don’t want to be the one telling him he can’t go, I have mentioned to him that I feel uncomfortable with him going on this trip. He says he feels bad for going, but does not consider cancelling. Am I the a–hole for making him feel bad for going on this trip?

Redditors were pretty one-sided on this one.

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One commenter said: “He didn’t even bother to have a plan in place to help you with the lifting. If he goes, what’s the plan? Who cares for you while you are in hospital, who has say over your care if you happen to remain unconscious, who cares for you if you deliver? Obviously he doesn’t give a s— about you or your children if he is not considering canceling. If he is that concerned about a party then there’s more going on with him. Take that party money to cover the needed help.”

“All of this is very level headed and definitely the way forward," wrote another commenter. "It's an all-expense paid trip, other than the extension, though, so I highly doubt the company will be willing to part with any funds. Personally as a husband and father, I couldn't imagine taking a long trip without my wife beyond the second trimester regardless, especially not one that far away. You never know when something might come up even with an otherwise perfectly healthy pregnancy. Definitely NTA.”

“Even if nothing goes wrong during that time, it’s so hard to take care of a toddler while that pregnant!" wrote one person, voicing what many others seemed to be thinking. "My second pregnancy was smooth sailing until about that time — I was feeling great one minute and then started bleeding out of nowhere. Everything worked out but it was terrifying. Thank goodness we had family that met us at the hospital to take our toddler. If he’s her entire support system and he’s leaving her to go party for ten days, this is just mind boggling a–holery.”