A UK blogger recently set the internet on fire when she wrote about her husband. No, she wasn't professing her undying love for him and her appreciation for all he has done for their marriage as a partner and father. Nope, it was the exact opposite. Molly Gunn writes as Selfish Mother and shares her musings with the world.
The blogger wrote a piece for The Times entitled "My Husband Used To Be So Hot," and the title alone raised eyebrows. In the essay, she talks about her husband, Tom, and their more than 20-year relationship. But the question isn't whether or not the two have had a good life together building a family, she wonders if she met him today if she would still be attracted to him. There's undoubtedly a big difference between a young guy in his early 20s and a man in his 40s. But is she wrong? People have thoughts.
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Molly and Tom met in college.
According to the New York Post, Molly wrote a piece for UK publication The Times lamenting her husband's changes over the years. An abbreviated version appears on her blog. Her blog post went up for Valentine's Day, which she calls an anniversary for the couple. That is when they met more than two decades earlier and spent the night "snogging."
It was young, fresh love. It's the kind of thing that many of us hovering around midlife can probably relate to. They were young, hungover, and broke, but she wrote, "I'm so happy that if I died right now, it would be OK." Yeah, that sounds like someone in their 20s, and we would be lying if we said that we didn't miss that, too.
That part of the story wasn't the problem.
When she started to nitpick Tom, people began to take issue. Tom isn't the "fit" guy she fell in love with. He is a husband, a father of three, and someone trying to make a living. He sounds like plenty of men we know. But Molly doesn't seem to be impressed by that anymore.
Perhaps it is a longing for youth and freedom, but she laments that the couple doesn't make each other laugh anymore or hug in the morning and has even discussed divorce. Molly appears to be in the winter of her discontent.
She had some harsh words for her husband.
Molly admitted in her essay that she still "fancied" Tom, but says it's not the same. "I look at this grown-up 45-year-old man, with this furrowed brow, a habit of talking with food in his mouth, an unfortunate green-gold gilet, and a cap (grimace) that hides his now coarse salt-and-pepper hair, and I think: who are you?" she wrote.
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Molly isn't so sure what her younger self would feel about Tom.
On her blog, Molly wrote that she asked Tom, "Why did you have to change? I loved you how you were." Tom replied that things change, but she struggled with that answer. She said that she looks at him now, and wonders if she would even find him attractive now if she met him. People didn't love her comments and let her know it.
"Why would any man accept being part of such an article?" someone tweeted. "Calling your partner 'not hot' in such a public way is abusive!"
"What other purpose could this serve other than to humiliate her husband?" another person asked. "Let's be real he has aged every bit as well as she has probably better since he isn't wearing makeup. He should make an article detailing what he doesn't like about her. Guarantee it embarrassed him."
Another Twitter user commented: "Sad. I guess growing old together means nothing anymore. And her hubby is perfectly fine. He's got a big head of salt and pepper hair, he seems to be in decent shape and doesn't look older than her. what is she complaining about?"
The backlash was severe.
There was a social media storm with many people supporting Tom and bashing Molly. It turned into ugly body shaming, which is never OK, but a lot of folks think she opened the door. If you are blatantly critical of someone else, should you expect others not to do the same to you?
She wrote a second article for The Times entitled "I Was Body-Shamed By Trolls After Writing that My Husband Used to be Hot." Unfortunately for Molly, there has been little sympathy from the public.
Since shaming Tom and the public backlash, she has gone dark on social media. Her Instagram account is now private. Her Selfish Mother accounts on Facebook and Instagram are still live, but have no recent activity.
No one knows what's next for the couple's relationship, but hopefully, they can take the wise words of Billy Joel and say, "I love you just the way you are."
