We all know someone with a lousy mother-in-law. Either she's overbearing, meddling, or just cantankerous, and she seems to make herself the center of attention for all of the wrong reasons. Is it so hard to stay in your lane and respect the relationship between your child and partner? For some people, it evidently is, and it can cause all kinds of problems. It gets particularly ugly when a MIL starts to get chatty about grandchildren.
When a couple decides to have a baby is completely up to them, and no one else should get a say in that. Yet many folks out there don't keep their mouths shut. A woman posted in Reddit's AITA Forum about her MIL and the fact that she will not stop talking about becoming a grandmother. It has gotten to the point that things are so uncomfortable that the original poster let her have it at a family dinner, and now everyone is taking sides. She's hurt and over it, but she doesn't think she is wrong. She wanted people in the forum to give her some perspective.
OP and her MIL do not get along.
In a tale as old as time, OP, 27, and her MIL are not friends. The MIL tends to be the kind to nitpick and say things that she shouldn't, and OP doesn't like to be around her.
"I've become exhausted with her, especially as I've moved into my career, moved town and am in the process of getting married/buying a house. In the past few years shes taken to outright ignoring me, speaking over me, pretending i dont exist," OP wrote.
"As a result, I've mentally checked out from trying to make things working with her and in part so has my partner. Let me make it clear, I support whatever relationship he wants to have with her, but I'm done trying to be her friend," OP explained.
Her MIL wants to be a grandmother.
OP and her partner, 27, are soon-to-be married, and the discussion has already turned to when they will have children. At a recent dinner, OP's MIL would not let it go.
"She kept pestering him and asking when she's getting grand babies and that she wants children around. This has been something shes been harping on a lot about lately and its getting on my nerves. My partner asked her to stop several times but she kept bringing it up," she wrote.
OP finally snapped.
OP had enough of her MIL's digging into their business and let it rip. She blamed it on the wine but has no regrets.
"I turned to her and started asking what she wants to know about our private life?? What kind of protection we're using, what positions we've tried, what toys we use. I started to list them all," she explained.
"Lets just say I used very inappropriate language for a dinner table, even throwing in a 'do you have any pointers for me, or maybe it'd be best if you just came and watched to make sure we're doing it right.' At this point she was yelling at me, having a go at my partner for 'letting' me speak to her like that and crying about how mean I am. We got up shortly after and left," OP continued.
OP is keeping a secret.
OP's partner thinks she took it too far, but she is sticking to her guns. MIL hurt her feelings badly, and she is over it. She explained that her MIL doesn't know this, but she is infertile.
"I'm infertile. She isn't aware of this, I'd never give her that info to weaponise against me. But just for the people commenting to keep kids away from her, I won't have any to keep away from her but thank you for the advice. I know your hearts in the right place.
"My partner has told her several times we won't be having children and to drop it," she added. "Since my partner always wanted children, she's assumed that I simply don't want children and am taking that away from him."
Is she wrong for letting her MIL have it, or should the woman learn to mind her business?
Obviously, MIL is not entitled to be a grandmother.
Sure, it would be lovely if MIL could have a grandchild one day, but that choice is not hers. She has no right to pressure OP into any discussion about children, right?
"My mom used to harp on getting grandkids, but she's always loved me, so it was never that hurtful or brash. As I work with babies and their families, I have spoken with my mom on many occasions that she needs to be respectful with people when it comes to children," one person wrote. "Asking when you are going to have a baby (or even another baby) can be especially cruel without meaning to be if the person you are talking to has struggled with miscarriages, still births, or infertility. Any and all confrontations can lead to explosive results that were unintended for one party and fully understandable for another. Since nobody wears a sign saying '3 miscarriages, 1 still birth, 6 years of 'trying' so you know not to harp, the better choice would be to ask once (if you have to) and then drop it."
"Fyi…grandchildren are not some 'illogical preconceived right' for anyone," someone else pointed out.
"NTA. Wish I could've been in the room for that!" one person wrote. "I hate hate hate the whole 'when are you giving me grandkids' s—. If she wants to get personal about that, you have every right to share whatever you want."
The consensus? OP doesn't have to share anything about her personal life with her MIL.
Redditors don't think OP is obligated to share her infertility struggles.
"Definitely don't tell her you're infertile. Sometimes you get supportive in-laws that are your new family. Sometimes you get a monster-in-law. You know what you've gotten," one person wrote.
"Never, ever tell her you are infertile. She will torment you," another person recommended. "I am so sorry for your situation. She is a mannerless, selfish person."
"The fact you have never been able to tell her you are infertile because she would weaponize this against you is beyond imagination … for her to create such a situation Its abuse .. plain and simple," another person commented.
MIL is blaming it all on OP.
In an update, OP explained that her partner received a call from MIL, and she is throwing this all at OP's feet. It is devastating to her.
"MIL has since messaged my partner, I won't put the exact wording. But she has said that she 'knows' I'm the cause of her not having grandchildren and she's disappointed in him for being with me," she wrote.
He cut her off after that. MIL evidently has zero respect for any of them and they are moving on in life without her in it for the time being. The couple is looking for options for starting their own family, but until then OP wants to heal.
OP, your MIL is the bad guy.
Redditors agree that you owe your MIL nothing. She doesn't have any right to information about your private life. Share with her what you want when you want to. And if you don't speak at all, that is your prerogative.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
