When you're married, you expect you and your partner to be a team, a twosome, a pair. You are in this life together and, hopefully, make each other really happy. That said, almost every relationship goes through some growing pains, which can be particularly challenging when you and your husband's family don't really get along.
A young newlywed who recently turned to Reddit for some advice is experiencing some trouble with her new family. They just don't vibe. They don't spend a ton of time together, and she expects her husband to stand up for her and respect her whenever they do.
At a recent family wedding, however, her husband chose to sit with his family for dinner, not bothering to save her a seat. Saddened and angry, the woman left the wedding, and now her husband and everyone are made at her. She went to Reddit's AITA forum to see if people think she overreacted.
OP and her husband's family aren't close.
OP is 26 and her husband is 32. They are newlyweds, married just six months. The couple doesn't spend much time with his family, so she hasn't formed a great bond with them. She feels like there is no connection.
"We also have so little in common. I had attended only 2 of their events and both times I couldn't sit with the family," she explained.
Her brother-in-law was getting married, and OP thought this would be an excellent time for her to spend time with the family, especially her mother-in-law.
The couple went to the wedding together.
As expected, the couple attended the wedding together. When they got there, OP's husband knew a lot of people, so he took time to greet them. They attended the ceremony and sat together. Afterward, there was a formal dinner. Before the meal started, OP went to the bathroom to freshen up her makeup. She was in for a shock when she returned.
"I went to get my makeup fixed then came back and saw that both family tables were full," she wrote. "My husband was sitting with his mom, dad, sisters and the other table had relatives and they were all men. I looked so confused I stood there and MIL motioned for me to go sit at a table where 'formal guests' were seated. I was completely baffled at this."
OP just wanted to sit with her husband.
She didn't want to make a scene, so OP politely told her MIL that she wanted to sit with her husband and the family. Her husband, in a WTH move, said there was no spot for her at the table.
"I told him he could've saved me a chair but he said that just like me, he was just a guest [and] there wasn't much he could do," she wrote on Reddit.
Seriously, dude?
Then the fight broke out.
OP was dunzo with her husband's behavior and the two started arguing. He wanted her to just sit and be quiet, but she wasn't in the mood. MIL told her that she was making a scene and "complaining for no good reason." That was it for OP.
She grabbed her coat and headed toward the door. Her husband followed her, begging her to come back in and sit down. OP didn't budge, though. Her husband had made his choice in her mind, and she wasn't the priority.
Her husband accused her of embarrassing the family.
Instead of being empathetic and trying to understand his wife's feelings, OP's husband went on and on about how put out his family was.
He said that "I embarrassed the family and made a scene at his brother's wedding for no valid reason. I said I wasn't going to sit by and be excluded like that but he said I got this wrong and that this was his brother's wedding and we all were guests and I should, as a guest, respected that. We went on and on about this and then stopped talking altogether," OP explained.
Her MIL and SIL said OP had attachment issues and there was no reason for her behavior. Now OP wants to know if she should have just sucked it up and stayed at the wedding reception.
Redditors came for OP's husband right out of the gate.
This is the man who vowed to love her through it all, but not enough to switch places at dinner. Seriously?
"NTA. like everyone else has said. If you wanna mess with the gaslighting that is happening. Ask your husband how many married guest were made to sit apart aside from you and him. See what answer he comes up with for that," one Redditor suggested.
People wondered what OP's husband's deal is anyway.
"Your husband is the a–hole for not saving you a seat," another person wrote. "You are supposed to be his #1 priority now. The only time I would expect to not sit with my husband at a wedding is if one of us were part of the wedding party."
The Reddit community expressed concern that OP and her husband might not have a great relationship.
As one commenter asked, "No assigned seating??? Your husband not moving to sit with you at the other table? Him knowing you wanted to get to know his family and still brushing you off? This doesn't make a lick of sense, unless your husband and his family really didn't like you already. NTA, but can I ask why you're with this guy?"
Sadly, this might be a trend with OP's husband.
"NTA. Why stop at leaving the wedding. Why not keep going & leave your husband, too? He just put up a big sign that says, "my wife is not my family" & "I will not stand up for my wife". F that," another Redditor warned.
Many Redditors want OP to get some self-confidence and a little perspective.
"[Y]ou honestly have a husband problem. His families wants are more important than yours. He is also alright with his family excluding you and embarrassing you in public," one commenter wrote. "What he and his family did was humiliating. Your husband has no respect for you or he would have simply got up and went and set with you. Ask your self if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life being and outsider when your husband is with his family. You deserve so much better."
"Its funny that your husband says that you're both guests and yet he definitely made sure to get himself a seat at the table," another person wrote. "The fact that he could have saved you a spot also implies that the seats were not assigned, and thus you claiming one wouldnt have gone against anything the BIL and his fiance planned … unless everyone knew he didnt want you at the table except you. Also, I am appalled that he simply expected you to swallow your feelings of embarrassment and alienation and be completely okay with being publicly being excluded from his family. I honestly wonder where this man's respect for you is."
More than anything, readers wanted OP to realize that she needs to make herself a priority.
"OP — Don't sit at tables you're not welcomed at. But also, don't let people not worthy of you sit at your table or be in your life," one commenter urged. "Go live the life you want and surround yourself with people who remind you you're important to them. Their behavior is disgusting."
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