The last several years have hit many families financially. Some are just beginning to recover from hardships caused by the COVID-19 pandemic, and their lives are finally returning to a bit of normalcy. Plenty of people are still attempting to get their finances back in order, and money continues to be tight. Parents continue to sacrifice for their kids and have to make decisions about where to spend their money best. Every family is different, and it’s really no one’s business to decide how we spend our money, especially when it comes to kids and Christmas.
But, there will always be those people who put their nose where it doesn’t belong. A woman found herself in some family drama and posted about it in Reddit’s AITA forum. Her much younger sister is having an out-of-town wedding and wants the original poster to attend. But it will be costly, and if she goes, she can’t afford Christmas for her kids. Of course, it’s not that easy, and she needed a little advice from an unbiased audience.
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OP and her sister aren't exactly close.
They’re 13 years apart, and when OP moved out, her sister was only 4 or 5 years old. Now that they’re adults and OP is a mom, her sister doesn’t have much to do with her family. OP understands it, though, because they are in such different places in their lives. When her sister announced her engagement, OP was happy for her. OP and her husband are recovering from some financial difficulties due to the pandemic, and she admits making it to an out-of-town wedding would be tough.
“When my sister announced the wedding will be so far away I was determined to make it work. Your baby sister only gets married once after all (hopefully). I didn’t immediately rsvp as I was still trying to figure out if I’d fly, drive, or both. Trying to figure out the most cost effective way to get my family to and from the wedding. It’s a good 24 hour drive so would need broken into at least 2 days each way,” she explained.
OP decided to hold off on her RSVP until she had everything figured out.
She explained that traveling would be a hefty expense, and she just didn’t know if she could justify it. Her sister apparently called her mom to complain that she hadn’t heard from her, and it “became a thing.” OP felt forced into making a choice.
“My dilemma – in order to make this work my kids (one of which has seen my sister twice in the last year and the other not at all) won’t get Christmas. All the money we’ve saved up for Christmas will be spent on gas, the rest of the Airbnb, and food for the trip. We won’t have money to do fun things while gone, we won’t be able to buy Christmas presents. It would strictly be drive 24 hours to the wedding, watch wedding, drive back,” she wrote.
Is she wrong for wanting to focus on her kids?
Most Redditors sided with OP.
One person wrote that OP simply needs to tell her sister that it’s unaffordable. The commenter added, “People who have destination weddings should be understanding that it is a burden for their guests to travel and pay for accommodations, attire, food, and the time away from jobs and other commitments. If they don’t – then they are being selfish and myopic. Especially during the holidays when everything is extra expensive.”
Another person agreed, writing: “NTA. Your family, aka your children, come first. Yes, she’s your sister, but does she really care if you’re there or not? It’s not like she makes an effort to know you, your husband, or your kids. Plus, financially, you need to do what’s best for your family. They need a home and food on the table. Your sister and parents should understand this.”
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One Redditor thought OP needed to chill out a bit.
The commenter gave an interesting perspective.
“You are not required to go, it is an invite and not a summons,” the person noted. “However I will let you know that you need to get over this ‘my kids are the most important kids in the world and everyone needs to bow down and care about them’ attitude. ‘My kids have been an afterthought. No one has asked them to be any part of the wedding at all.’ Your point? You kids are important to you, but they are not going to be as important to everyone else. This attitude is just draining.”
Well, OP, it looks like most people agree that you need to prioritize your kids. Perhaps your sister will understand if she becomes a mom someday.
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