Ah, children at weddings. It can be a controversial subject. Some think that weddings should be an all-ages celebration for friends and family whereas others say that weddings should be adults-only affairs. It can cause some consternation between the couple and their guests, but if they set expectations well in advance, typically, things can be worked out to make everyone happy.
A woman on Reddit thought she understood the baby policy for a friend's upcoming wedding until right before the event, when she totally flipped the script on her. The bride told the original poster that babies were allowed, but once she realized OP's baby could walk, she decided she didn't want him there. OP took the baby anyway and was essentially asked to leave. But after seeing other babies there, she asked people in the AITA forum what they thought about the situation.
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OP was pregnant when the bride was planning her wedding.
OP explained that the bride knew she was pregnant when she invited her to the wedding, and even though she planned to have a child-free affair, she said babies were OK. OP took this at her word and made travel arrangements ahead of time.
"I knew that we'd be tight for money by the time the wedding rolled around as I would be on maternity leave so I immediately booked the travel, car hire and hotels to make sure we could afford to go. Wedding was in the middle of nowhere so I also wanted to make sure I could stay close to the venue as I'd be travelling with baby," she wrote.
Things got busy for the friends, and they hadn't seen one another in a while until a coffee date two weeks before the wedding. That's when the trouble started.
The bride realized OP's baby was walking and decided she didn't want him there.
Even though he was only 8 months old, the baby was walking, which the bride didn't like. While together, she remarked that he was so "advanced" and later texted OP that he wasn't invited to the wedding anymore. OP told her she had to bring him. They are breastfeeding, plus she had made all the nonrefundable arrangements.
OP brought the baby anyway, and there were other babies there. Her little guy was well-behaved. But the mother of the bride was not impressed.
"However, the bride's mother approaches me immediately after dinner and basically strongly suggests we leave now. I'm really upset by this (we've only been there for 3 hours and it's took 8 hours travel to get there). But I feel unwelcome at this point so we leave," OP explained.
She said the friendship was over and wondered if she was wrong.
But there was an update.
OP didn't mention initially that this didn't turn out to be a wedding. Instead, it was a christening for the bride's baby because the couple had actually gotten married in an small ceremony a few weeks earlier. So this turned out to be a hybrid event, which OP didn't know about beforehand. This intensified her justification for bringing her son. Redditors tended to agree it was OK.
"This turned from a soft Y – T – A or even an E – S – H to a definite NTA. She pulled the rug out from under EVERYONE, and that is NOT OK. Moreover she was wildly jealous of your kid and she totally made an excuse just to satisfy her own vanity," one commenter pointed out "If she compensated you, it would have been one thing. She didn't even offer, though, and then it turned into some stupid 'Look at my child, he's so precious!' show. She is just a terrible friend and I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did."
"I'm sorry? They made everyone travel 8 hours each way and spend oodles of dollars for a christening? Wow. Screw these people. NTA," someone else agreed.
Others felt that she was justified from the get-go after the bride said that babies were allowed.
OP made her arrangements based on the bride's original terms. Many Redditors didn't see the problem.
"I wanted to say Y-T-A for bringing son after she said specifically not to, but given the fact that you were told babies would be OK, I'm gonna say NTA. A 8 month old is still a baby in my opinion. Unless the other babies around your kid's age were excluded or made to leave… But even then, still NTA. Sorry about your friendship," one person wrote.
"Does it even matter how old the baby is? We can assume the bride knows when the baby was born and therefor knows the exact age by the time of the wedding. She already said it was OK to bring him. ETA NTA," another Redditor agreed.
Someone even joked, "As a courtesy OP should have contacted a psychic or wizard and asked what arbitrary rules the bride would make a year later. This is the standard courtesy when being invited to a wedding /s."
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OP, you didn't do anything wrong.
No one felt like OP was outwardly an a–hole. They thought the bride was the jerk in this situation. Not only did she go back on her word, but she also surprised people who thought that they were going to a wedding but changing it to a christening. Sure, that is beautiful, but would people have traveled hours to get there and made hotel arrangements? Maybe not. If there was even an inkling that she didn't want kids, the bride should have made it a hard no from day one to save people the trouble and the cash.
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